r/TrueOffMyChest May 04 '21

I tried to make my relationship work while my GF sells nudes but I just can’t do it anymore.

[removed]

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u/Shonever May 04 '21

I've been married a few years now, but dated my wife for around 7 years before and am 37 years old.

Here's the deal: I wasted too much time dating / being in committed relationships prior to seeing her that I was unhappy in. I worked in an industry with older men who constantly complained about their wives, and coupled with my own parents unhappy marriage - I legitimately thought that being miserable and unhappy after a couple years was just the norm.

Don't get me wrong. Being in a serious, committed relationship or marriage takes work. There's compromise, and communication is a necessity. However, if there's something you are unwilling to compromise on now and for the foreseeable future and your significant other just can't meet your needs or expectations - and you're not married - for fuck sake, sever. And don't feel guilty about it.

We all have 1 life to live. The sooner you stop trying to make something work out, the sooner you'll be in something that just does naturally. Something that meets your wants and needs, and something that meets your partner's wants and needs. Not only is it unfair to yourself to force it, it's unfair to your partner.

This goes out to not just this scenario, but anyone out there having issues with a significant other that forces themselves to be with someone for various reasons - ranging from a fear of being alone to believing it's too hard to start over (with the answers to those reasons being A) you're most likely not going to be alone forever and even if you were, it's better to be lonely sometimes than being unhappy constantly and B) it's hard to start over, but the longer the relationship is drawn out - that will most likely end anyway - the harder it will become to sever).

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u/k2_electric_boogaloo May 04 '21

you're most likely not going to be alone forever and even if you were, it's better to be lonely sometimes than being unhappy constantly

This is the wisdom I gained after several years of being very, very single. I've reached the age where a lot of the people in my orbit that I was envious of for getting married "on time" in their 20s are starting to divorce because it turned out that they were both afraid to be alone or just thought getting married was a thing that you do after being together for a while. Honestly, if I'd stuck with any of my exes I know I would be in the same position. I feel lucky to enjoy my own company now.

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u/GTI_88 May 04 '21

Married in twenties, now divorced. I’ve learned most of us don’t know shit about ourselves or life in general until 30s

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u/anotherguyinaustin May 05 '21

Married in 20s, going through divorce now. Couldn’t agree more man. Had no idea what i wanted 10 years ago but I sure have a better idea now.

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u/GTI_88 May 05 '21

Cheers dude! I’ll tell you, I’ve been dating for the last year and it’s been so much easier to cut through the bullshit. Usually after the first date I was able to tell whether it was a no go for me or not. Now I’ve been seeing someone for 8 months and it’s been night and day difference from my ex.

Being in a relationship where you are both adults, make yourselves happy, want to make the other person happy, and actually communicate what is making you happy or not, is awesome.

Hang in there bud, there is for sure light on the other side!

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u/anotherguyinaustin May 05 '21

Appreciate your kind words. Super excited to interact with adults on an equal level and not feel like I’m parenting my partner. Super excited to focus on myself for once.

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u/Ok_Mcooper1993 May 05 '21

Amen to all y’all. I’m with you. If I knew then what I know now. You’re not just suddenly an adult when your 18 or 21... it’s different for everyone but I’m now 27, married 6 years and still don’t feel “grown up”, even though from the outside looking in people would say “I have my life together”. The more you grow, the better you understand yourself, and the better you understand who and what you want in life, which will also make you better for your eventual partner.

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u/Heliumorchid May 05 '21

That makes me feel better about my current status as a man entering 30s who's been single for a few years now. I broke up with my ex after I couldn't ignore the fact that we were heading in different directions in life. She hated me for it at the time and our friends thought I was being foolish for ending something stable and beautiful. But we're both now in better places in our careers and just life in general. And I can't imagine us being together now given how different our paths are.

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u/GTI_88 May 05 '21

Good for you for recognizing it and not letting other people’s “advice” make you stick with something that wasn’t working.

Man if you are just now going into your thirties, you are just getting started in adult life IMO.

20’s to me just felt like advance class of teenage years

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u/Heliumorchid May 05 '21

Thanks. I have no regrets for my choice to be single but sometimes, especially recently, I've been feeling the need for someone to share things with intimately, someone to trust and grow with and it's been tough to find someone that I click with. I have no doubts that I will eventually find that person and the wait would be worth it. In the meantime I'm just gonna keep working on being that person that she deserves, even with people thinking it's sad to be still single at 30.

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u/mizzersteve May 05 '21

Not sad, sensible and brave. Just look around and notice the sheer amount of failed relationships, divorce and generally unfulfilled lives .

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u/NeoBangBang May 05 '21

Hey, sorry to pry but can i ask how you figured out it was time for divorce? Im in a situation in my 30s, married mid 20s, and while nothing is terrible with the relationship now...i have noticed i prefer my own company and have no desire to be with my partner. Its like we are roommates rather than lovers and im starting to wonder if that is the end.