r/TrueOffMyChest May 04 '21

I tried to make my relationship work while my GF sells nudes but I just can’t do it anymore.

[removed]

22k Upvotes

View all comments

3k

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21 edited May 04 '21

Oh man I know exactly what this is like. When I did something similar (not OF but a different site), I did NOT wanna have sex with my BF. I didn't want anything to do with anything sexual because I lived and breathed sex 10 hours a day. Women don't know how much of a toll it is on your relationships or mental health when doing OF or any other cam site. I wrote a whole thing about the side effects of being an OF girl on reddit. It's exhausting, it fucks up your mental health, and it can potentially put you in danger and after all that, I quit. And I'm glad I did.

Edit: DEFINIETLEY miss the money though, not gunna lie.

823

u/SnooRadishes9346 May 04 '21 edited May 04 '21

Same. Was doing something kinda similar to OF way before it was even a thing and it just made me resent anything sexual in real life even without a BF. As you said, money was nice. Some extra change in my pocket. Glad I quit, too. Edit: would like to add that it got to the point of having to be fucked up to perform. Typically drunk.

748

u/QuestioningEspecialy May 04 '21

To everyone: If you ever feel the need to be regularly fucked up to go to work, you should probably find different work.

217

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

This is so true for literally any job haha

336

u/Makualax May 04 '21

The restaurant industry didn't get the memo

89

u/Reaverx218 May 04 '21

The one place where I saw people high and drunk and operate better then when they were sober. Had a guy I worked with who would come in pissed at the world "for reference he had a lot of shit going down in his life" 30 minutes into his shift he would take a smoke break which was fairly standard for most of the staff the difference was he was getting high as a kite and would come back a model employee was polite to customers did whatever tasks I gave him and was a ton of fun to be around. In return I didn't turn him in to the manager and always gave him his preferred tasks for the night. So instead of doing dishes and prep I let him clean lobby and stock the front of the store well handling most of the customers. He was genuinely a pretty good dude who was just going through some shit. Anyway all of this to say remember kids at least half your restaurant staff is inebriated in some way at all times and that doesn't make them bad people.

24

u/RSNKailash May 04 '21

Haha nice story. My managers know I go get blazed at work. But I am genuinely a more efficient worker, happier, more friendly, and just generally better at my job. And I dont get frustrated at random shit.

5

u/Reaverx218 May 04 '21

I dont know about you but sometimes being under the influence makes me not sweat the small stuff and let's me just focus on the task at hand.

2

u/fearhs May 05 '21

If the managers aren't getting high themselves then they're drunks lol.

→ More replies

2

u/NameGiver0 May 05 '21

TBH I feel like weed is a performance enhancing drug in the hospitality industry.

23

u/QuestioningEspecialy May 04 '21

Anyway all of this to say remember kids at least half your restaurant staff is inebriated in some way at all times and that doesn't make them bad people.

Can somebody explain this to corporate (and certain voters)?

8

u/Reaverx218 May 04 '21

Its such a weird thing to me as long as someone can do there job well why would anyone care. If I have a programmer who drops acid and then writes an amazing problem why would I care if they did it well high or not.

Maybe for me its because I have experimented with a lot of different recreationals and outside of some very specific situations it really isn't as scary as it gets made out to be when I was a kid. Fuck weed was made out to be like the actual devil incarnate in school and the reality is its probably the best replacement for opioid pain killers and general anxiety meds that has existed. We have made drug users seem like the worst kind of losers when in reality we all likely know someone successful who is at the very least smoking weed if not doing a whole bucket of other drugs. And we all know someone who likes alcohol a little to much. I have seen more evil done under the influence of alcohol then any other drug and most dont even wink at alcohol use.

→ More replies

2

u/rando-3456 May 04 '21

Corporate knows. (Source have been in the restaurant industry for 15 years, 5+ of those years apart of corporate).

To get to corporate in the restaurant/bar/nightclub industry you usually have to work your way up. It's usually all men too.

They know about all the drugs / drinking and all the sexual assault (although that is usually coming from the higher ups, management and owners). Like the other poster said, if they do their job well its swept under the rug. Really frustrating if your not into drugs. At the end of the day it's a business and if they're selling double what their sober coworkers are no way are they going to be told to cut it out.

2

u/KhabaLox May 04 '21

30 minutes into his shift he would take a smoke break which was fairly standard for most of the staff the difference was he was getting high as a kite

When I was in college, my apartment was literally right behind the restaurant I worked at. In fact, I could walk out my back door, go 30 feet across the little parking area (it was a 6 unit building) and open a gate that led to the back area of the restaurant. That was my commute.

Anyway, the GM liked to smoke, so when he found out I lived there my apartment became the mid shift smoke spot. Luckily, another waiter got an apartment in the building so he started smoking there instead.

3

u/johnald13 May 04 '21

I was a prep cook a long time ago and I would regularly go in to work on a tab of acid.

108

u/Fixthemix May 04 '21

I was a dishes boy (?) at a pretty high end restaurant in my teens.

Man did that job have some delicious perks. On a single shift I could eat $500 of leftover cake while getting paid.

51

u/The_Void_Reaver May 04 '21 edited May 04 '21

Reminds me of the night we were one of 4 restaurants catering a large Pharmaceutical convention/block party. They ordered 60 ribeye steaks which we'd normally serve bone-in but that night they were without the bone. The Chef cut them all before the catering started but because we were the 4th of 4 to open our doors, and we opened a fair bit later than the other 3, only about 6-10 of the ribeyes got cooked. Because they were already cut and we couldn't use them for normal service I walked out of there that night with 3 ribeye steaks, cut fresh that day, and had an absolutely fucking amazing barbeque with friends the next Saturday.

Edit: Did another similar event where all the Ribeyes were cooked and served but the chef definitely took it upon himself to cut them throughout the night as we were going along, so as not to make the steaks unusable for normal service if they didn't get eaten.

29

u/DoxBox May 04 '21

I used to work at a fancy Italian place, though I only did the pizza and wings, and prep work.

Once got to go ham with the rest of the kitchen staff on the remainder (which was a bunch) of this really nice but multiple-thousand-dollar cake. A party had rented out our fanciest room for an event and brought the cake in.

I dunno if it was worth the price but god damn it was really good cake. Kudos to whoever threw that party because that was an expensive gift for a local dough-slinger.

2

u/Bleenwithcream May 04 '21

lol fancy italian and chicken wings, name a better duo.

God I’d love some cake, I never realized how little cake I’d come by as an adult. I figure it will become more frequent when I’m older.

4

u/DoxBox May 04 '21

It's a weird place. Has 3 "different" restaurants in the same building. One is a bar frequented by locals, one is a warm sit-down restaurant, the last is a reservation only fine dining sort of place.

2

u/Choongboy May 05 '21

At this point, I’ve completely forgotten what the original post was about

→ More replies
→ More replies

20

u/Laezdaez May 04 '21

beat me to it. lol.

2

u/Mandalwhoreian May 04 '21

Beat meat to it

16

u/sicknick08 May 04 '21

Every restaurant I worked in, the head chef was a cocaine addicted pill popping asshat. Two 5 star restaurants, and 4.5 star. All 3 on private community type places

12

u/Hescoveredinbutter May 04 '21

Hey! I relate to this

9

u/Doggfite May 04 '21

Comedians and Musicians missed it too lol

→ More replies

8

u/Archduke645 May 04 '21

At one point i slammed two bottles of wine a night easy to get through a shift, so glad i left the industry. Some people it works and some people it doesn't.

3

u/ficarra1002 May 04 '21

I don't wanna go back, but you have to admit smoking a joint by the dumpster with your coworkers after getting slammed is cathartic as fuck. I wish I could get that feeling without having to work 50 hours a week busting ass lol

→ More replies

2

u/KhabaLox May 04 '21

I mean, that's like the second best thing about working in the restaurant industry.

2

u/cortadoculture May 05 '21

This is the realest take

5

u/TheChaosPaladin May 04 '21

How much did you end up making on average?

3

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21 edited May 04 '21

To be brutally honest, not tons only cuz I didn't do any videos but I did sell topless photos for $100 each.

26

u/botany5 May 04 '21

there's a life pro tip if ever there was one.

10

u/SquareIcy6919 May 04 '21

So I shouldn't take a couple grams of shrooms before my next shift then ?

→ More replies

21

u/Arkneryyn May 04 '21

What if you feel the need to be fucked up to work in general? Maybe the way we do work in the modern world is the problem and not each individual job

7

u/orchidbloom8 May 04 '21

I literally do not know a single person who is working without some type of substance. Alcohol, weed, painkillers, LSD, shrooms, anti-depressants, benzos, it goes on. Seems to me that most people can't bareback this hell.

3

u/Arkneryyn May 04 '21

I wonder why anyone would want too sometimes lol.

1

u/PromiscuousMNcpl May 04 '21

“Panic Attack” - Atmosphere

This song is about your comment.

-1

u/QuestioningEspecialy May 04 '21

Find non-modern work or find a way out of "working".

6

u/Amartincelt May 04 '21

Way out of working? Yea, let me just go change my birth parents to be rich people.

That sounds a lot snarkier than it was meant to be - didn’t meant to come off as such an asshat. But I’d love to hear your suggestions that don’t involve being loaded or a loaded gun.

→ More replies

7

u/buttpooperson May 04 '21

Unless it's the restaurant industry, where having to be fucked up at work is a feature and also how you wound up in a kitchen

→ More replies

5

u/swiftyshep May 04 '21

Plus it's hard to drive the ambulance

3

u/marianliberrian May 04 '21

Or if you feel the need to get heavily fucked up after work all the time, that's another sign that you need a new gig.

3

u/Reaverx218 May 04 '21

Yeah when I was regularly getting high during my work from home period for my job because it calmed my nerves and frustration I realized my job might have gone from a thing I enjoyed to life sucking and it was time to go.

2

u/saucy_brass May 04 '21

A couple of years running pubs and bars taught me that one too. Big LPT there.

2

u/MykhailoSobieski May 04 '21

What if that goes for every job you've ever had?

→ More replies

2

u/Ayzel_Kaidus May 04 '21

I’ve hit the point to where his is true of any job I try to work now...

→ More replies

2

u/ficarra1002 May 04 '21

Not everyone has the option to find different work sadly.

2

u/schiffty1 May 04 '21

As a service technician that would eliminate more than half of the coworkers I EVER worked with. Shit, even my company's owner just filled a solo cup from a bottle of scotch before going downstairs to do office shit after lunch today.

2

u/MeatballsRegional May 04 '21

Every line cook immediately quits their job

2

u/kvmw May 05 '21

IT Professional has entered the chat

2

u/akaBigE May 05 '21

I support this 100%. I got so exhausted of having constant 8-10 hours a day interaction with people who were mostly rude that I had to be high as fuck to deal with it. I was smoking through 3/4-an ounce a week just to deal with the constant anxiety. Things definitely escalated at the start of the recent pandemic that I was contemplating taking my life because of how disgusting people truly were towards others and myself. Quitting that truck stop/gas station was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I cut back on smoking and my outlook on life has grown significantly less melancholy. You will be so much happier and probably healthier if you just take that step back and actually start to give a shit about yourself. Fuck toxic work environments, you deserve better.

→ More replies

129

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

OMG yes. I had to get drunk sometimes to even justify some of the things I was requested to do. And I wasn't even being asked to do anything crazy but in order to enjoy it, I had to be drunk. It was sad it had to be that way.

59

u/SnooRadishes9346 May 04 '21

Indeed. A lot of people think it's all roses and glamour... when really it can be pretty dark in reality.

35

u/GreatQuestion May 04 '21

I don't think anyone, ever has thought that sex work is all roses and glamour.

23

u/48ad16 May 04 '21

Almost every teenage boy thinks being a (male) porn star is cool.

20

u/GreatQuestion May 04 '21

The opinions of teenage boys carry half the weight of a mote of dust and are twice as carcinogenic. I'm talking about people with fully developed pre-frontal cortices.

6

u/PhillyFan2786 May 04 '21

I'm 35 and still think that lol

14

u/mostimprovedpatient May 04 '21

They give themselves shots in their dicks to stay erect. Fuck that.

10

u/inbooth May 04 '21

And historically the majority had to perform in gay porn if they wanted to make their entire living from porn....

7

u/PhillyFan2786 May 04 '21

Alright you convinced me. I'm out

→ More replies

4

u/moehoesmowoes May 04 '21

That's a yikes

5

u/evilphrin1 May 04 '21

There was a thread this morning on Askreddit that made it to the front page specifically talking about the downsides to it. Turns out things ain't so great for the dude either.

2

u/GiraffeOnWheels May 04 '21

90% of the time is mentioned on Reddit it’s treated like any other job and a perfectly respectable and smart career move if you’re into it.

→ More replies
→ More replies

15

u/Belo83 May 04 '21

People think sex work is roses and glamor? Guy here that in no world or reality ever felt the girls doing that for money really truly enjoyed any of it but the money. And for some, you can almost tell that it’s all they have.

18

u/SnooRadishes9346 May 04 '21 edited May 04 '21

More or less what I was referring to by "a lot of people" is women that excitedly and usually blindly try to or get into this type of work. I have had many conversations with women that had absolutely ZERO idea of what it really entails. Apologies for not being clear enough.

Edit: spelling and all that good stuff.

7

u/Belo83 May 04 '21

Gotcha, sometimes being naive is a blessing. But it’s surprising when one goes into a career without doing some dd first. Doesn’t make it less true though.

4

u/SnooRadishes9346 May 04 '21

No I agree. Just clarifying a bit there. I was incredibly relieved when I found a job I could actually stand for the most part after I quit doing that. I didn't do it full time or anything, was mostly keeping me afloat while searching, but I was one of the naive ones and found out the hard way, lol.

7

u/justsomeyeti May 04 '21

I've known a few sex workers, and only know two who enjoyed the work

I know a dancer who started fresh out of highschool in 1996, and still dances today. She's in fantastic shape and her face hasn't aged much. She loves to dance (not just stripping, she does several different types of dance and also instructs) and pretty much never wears clothes when she doesn't have to.

All in all she's a blast to be around.

2

u/Belo83 May 04 '21

Yeah I’d say she sounds like it haha

→ More replies

3

u/moehoesmowoes May 04 '21

? I mean, its sex work. If you go into it expecting thousands of dollars for a few innocent pics and chat, really you haven't thought it through.

→ More replies
→ More replies

-2

u/Dexter321 May 04 '21

Wow, it’s almost like selling your body is shameful or something? Huh

3

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

It's only shameful if you feel it is. I feel no shame about it at the end of the day

→ More replies

7

u/GameDevNoob1 May 04 '21

I looked and found your story. Very interesting and thought-provoking. Good for you for quiting!

1

u/cor0na_h1tler May 04 '21

You looked for her nudes but found her story.

→ More replies

1

u/BassicAFg May 04 '21

Cause it’s a form of prostitution. Same reason many sex workers become reliant on substance abuse to make the rent.

People wanna act like it’s empowering and different but it’s just being complicit in patriarchal oppression and the objectification of women but validated through the mental gymnastics of internalized misogyny.

1

u/Altruistic-Drama1538 May 04 '21

I'm glad you quit. My mom was a dancer at a gentlemen's club. It got to the point where she had to be drunk to do it. She quit dancing but never stopped drinking. It ended up killing her.

Just to be clear, I'm not saying anything is wrong with this type of work, but from what I've seen, not a lot of people can handle it mentally. It's not as glamorous as people think. You have to deal with a lot of creeps, and it takes a toll on you.

I wish it didn't have the shame and stigma attached, and I wish more people would treat all workers in the sex industry with more respect. They're just trying to make a living, and for a lot of women, this is the best paying job they can get without a college degree.

→ More replies
→ More replies

256

u/digitalPeneTrashun May 04 '21

I’ve always wondered about this. It seems like these girls put in a ton of hours and seems like the fans are very demanding. I can imagine some of these girls BC of the money end up feeling sort of enslaved by these “fans” Did you feel any of that

279

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

Definitely. Some of the guys would be so demanding or be like "aren't we friends, why cant you give me free photos". There was always the fear of pissing off the wrong dude and he would threaten to come find you. You had to be nice even if they said fucked up things to you. One dude asked me if I had ever been raped so he could jerk off to the story. Man, I get people have fetishes but that was some next level shit.

161

u/itsabloodydisgrace May 04 '21

That’s not a fetish though that’s straight sadism, getting off on an actual rape isn’t just a fetish mate don’t give him so much credit

72

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

Yea you're right. That is not a fetish. Forgive my phrasing

66

u/itsabloodydisgrace May 04 '21

You’re not the one at fault here sorry if I sounded harsh, I just hate this sick sadistic shit and how many young women are getting exposed to it, then feel like they can’t ‘kink shame’ the sick fuck after.

41

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

Well I had no problem telling that guy to fuck off that's for sure

-2

u/RonGio1 May 04 '21

Sadism is a kink though. It's like one of the original ones. Just like masochism.

I really don't feel like "proving" this.

6

u/qxxxr May 04 '21

Asking someone you have no actual connection with to describe their assault so you can jerk off to it anonymously is not exactly drenched in consent as a sadistic fetish should be.

Please never talk publicly about kink again, you specifically.

→ More replies

4

u/itsabloodydisgrace May 04 '21

Good because no ones asking you to

→ More replies
→ More replies

23

u/SaltandIons May 04 '21

...sadism IS a fetish though?

6

u/LosingOxygen May 04 '21

NO! The brilliant teenage minds of Reddit say it isn't because INCONVENIENT SOCIAL INJUSTICE!

6

u/g9lz May 04 '21

It is a paraphilia.

→ More replies

22

u/MikemkPK May 04 '21

It is a fetish though. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

4

u/itsabloodydisgrace May 04 '21

It’s worth differentiating when the common thing to hear is that we shouldn’t kink shame or judge.

4

u/[deleted] May 04 '21 edited May 05 '21

[removed]

→ More replies

2

u/blonde-bandit May 04 '21

No.

1

u/MikemkPK May 04 '21

Comeau to popular opinion, you can't just decide you don't like facts and they must therefore be wrong.

2

u/blonde-bandit May 04 '21

Allow me to elaborate. No to your ignorance of the room, no to your unnecessary and unhelpful commentary for the sake of feeling somehow knowledgeable or superior (can’t imagine why else you bothered to point that out). OBVIOUSLY rape fantasies are a fetish. Asking a total stranger to divulge their trauma for your sexual gratification is by definition sadism, and should not be accepted as a “fetish” by any sane person—a distinction which was already mentioned prior to your asinine contribution. Bye.

→ More replies

7

u/[deleted] May 04 '21

[deleted]

18

u/itsabloodydisgrace May 04 '21

Contacting rape victims to jerk off to their story is paraphilic and disordered behaviour, not simply fetishistic. Once you start causing distress and damage to yourself and other people you forfeit the right to define it as just a kink.

10

u/snapthesnacc May 04 '21

You're right, it's not JUST a kink. But it still is at least partially a kink.

3

u/DevilTuna May 04 '21

Sadism and fetish aren't at all mutually exclusive.

The S in BDSM stands for something...it's a secret tho.

My gf gets off to efukt videos, which I consider disgusting, sadistic, and rapey.

To each their own

1

u/mjawn5 May 04 '21

wrong af

→ More replies

48

u/digitalPeneTrashun May 04 '21

Yeah that’s fucked. I think being an OF or camgirl can seem like this empowered thing and maybe it can be that too, but knowing how obsessed people become over the Internet and how entitled we can be especially when we’re paying money, it’s definitely not something I would wish for my daughter.

41

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

I did feel empowered oddly enough. I was not forced to be there, I didn't have low self esteem, I didn't even have daddy issues. I just really liked talking about sex (and thoroughly enjoy it in real life) I just figured "if you're good at something, never do it for free". But there are other ways of feeling that empowerment, we just need to figure out how to find it

12

u/enthalpy01 May 04 '21

Doesn’t even have to be sexual. I recently fell into the world of online gamer streamers by watching Disguised Toast Among Us videos. And the level of crap they have to put up with from fans in order to make money seems so ridiculous. The gaming is a grind they do for work and they get pushed to play with people viewers want to see them play with not necessarily their best friends. I feel like a normal 9-5 job would be more enjoyable than that.

→ More replies

1

u/[deleted] May 04 '21

[deleted]

0

u/digitalPeneTrashun May 04 '21

Well if you saying it’s the same as any other job, you’re kidding yourself

1

u/[deleted] May 04 '21

[deleted]

1

u/digitalPeneTrashun May 04 '21

Eat my butt for money

→ More replies

8

u/willmakeyoukneel May 04 '21

Jesus. Reading your side I'm on the other. I've got a few girls I subscribe to and I honestly have never contemplated doing anything you have listed. I look at it like going to a strip club the girl isn't really into you but what you have to offer compensation wise. The net seems to bring out the other side of people who have no moral compass.

I totally appreciate the time sink though there is way more to this than most people think of.

→ More replies
→ More replies

-1

u/rAbBITwILdeBBB May 04 '21

These chicks are choosing to be sex workers. You comparing them to sex slaves who are often children is so fucking stupid I would punch you in your fucking face if I heard you swaddling these immature brats like that IRL.

→ More replies

146

u/AA005555 May 04 '21

My ex did OF and it drove the wedge between us that made us break up. With her it wasn’t so much being less sexual but she was constantly comparing herself to those news stories of “how this soccer mom makes $25,000 a month on onlyfans” and it drove my gf’s self esteem way down to the point she felt she had to up her game on OF in terms of what she was doing. It was a sad experience all round.

44

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

Oh yea the competition was definitely stiff but I never allowed it to phase. I knew that men had different tastes and in this case of the soccer mom, there was probably something to the fact that she was a "soccer mom" that made her popular. I had my own things going on. Depending on the person, it can drive your self esteem way down or way up. There's just no in between.

24

u/IlIIlIllIIll May 04 '21

I think one of the major problems is younger people getting into it without really having any understanding of how they want to treat it in advance. It can be a full time job, or a side gig, or even a hobby, but each of those roles requires setting a different set of boundaries and goals (and enforcing them!)

10

u/AA005555 May 04 '21

Yeah I know someone who does it who loves it because she’s from a small town and is very cautious about expressing her sexuality there (because people talk) but online she feels so free. So I guess it just depends on circumstance

6

u/UncleStumpy78 May 04 '21

Does she realize the people in her small town probably have the internet?

2

u/AA005555 May 04 '21

She doesn’t show her face on there.

2

u/Belo83 May 04 '21

Haha competition is “stiff”

→ More replies

2

u/honestanswerpls May 04 '21

so what was the wedge about?

13

u/AA005555 May 04 '21

Basically I didn’t like that time I’d set aside for us was being spent with her sexting dudes for money. I’d catch her on OF in cinemas, watching a movie at home, even when she introduced me to her parents I caught her on it and had to nudge her to get off or risk her parents seeing.

To me it was just too much like being openly cheated on. And like I said it didn’t help that it was crushing her self esteem making her more and more insecure.

3

u/honestanswerpls May 04 '21

Yeah so the sexting part is too much. That was cheating. OF involves sexting was not something I was aware of.

7

u/AA005555 May 04 '21

Yeah, it’s basically like Facebook but for porn. You have your wall where you post content and then people can DM for money in exchange for sexting

10

u/clocksfornipples May 04 '21

Whether OF or being a coke or meth dealer, everyone misses the money.

2

u/iburstabean May 04 '21

Waiting tables too oddly enough

→ More replies

228

u/supplyncommand May 04 '21

ya i don’t think people realize what you have to sacrifice in order to sell yourself for that kind of money. for a healthy relationship to end like OPs as a repercussion is sad. like any job you have to have a healthy balance. no different than if OP was in the office 80 hrs a week or out of town 8 weeks at a time. your partner is left emotionally and physically uninvested. i think a lot of the gals that do OF have a lot of maturing and growing up to do. comes with the line of work. i lost my gf due to her getting so much attention as a bartender. she didn’t know how to handle it or balance her life outside of work. everyone became her friend and the money flowed in. honestly if OF were around 5 years ago she probably would’ve done that too. she struggled with school and got into drugs. very difficult lifestyle to maintain and now she’s not doing so well. i wish things would’ve went differently. so im probably jaded but i feel bad for OP or any guy having to deal with someone who sells themselves like that. it’s too much to handle mentally

31

u/Arkneryyn May 04 '21

Not only that but fuck the girls that advertise OF as basically free money and all fun and try to get other girls to sign up when they hit 18. That’s fucking grooming bro

15

u/supplyncommand May 04 '21

ya and honestly as an adult male i thought it was all fun and easy money. never even thought of or realized the mental and physical side effects. and how awful a predicament like OPs must be to see the girl you’ve loved slowly deteriorate and suffer. only going to lead to bigger problems down the road. they definitely make it seem like why work when all you need is a camera and a computer

→ More replies

123

u/nokturnalxitch May 04 '21

no different than if OP was in the office 80 hrs a week or out of town 8 weeks at a time. your partner is left emotionally and physically uninvested.

I don't think it's the same because it's sexual. Working long hours puts a toll on you because you're tired, stressed, maybe don't feel like having sex, but doing sexual stuff with random people for money has a different impact in your mental state and relationships

56

u/supplyncommand May 04 '21 edited May 04 '21

true. i just wanted to try to compare it to a dude working too much and losing sex drive or interest since they typically don’t get into a sexual line of work.

57

u/PM_ME_LIPSTICK_PICS May 04 '21

Hey it’s alright for a man to not have a direct comparison to a woman’s experience. We’ve all got typical and atypical things going on that other identities can’t relate to. Accepting that while maintaining compassion gives us a chance at inheriting some real perspective and insight.

2

u/jojogogo6868 May 05 '21

Hey it’s alright for a man to not have a direct comparison to a woman’s experience.

Have my free award, stranger. This is important in life. Not for men, but for everyone, everywhere, everyday. If I had lipstick pics, I would PM them to you.

→ More replies

2

u/Gatewayssam May 04 '21

not the same it takes a huge toll to give yourself to the trade

ill take 9 to 9 job anyday

6

u/RedTheDopeKing May 04 '21

Yeah I’d much rather send naked pics than work in this steel foundry, but I don’t have the goods.

0

u/escapetodos May 04 '21

You do though. Not sure why you’re saying you don’t have “the goods”- are you lacking reproductive/sexual anatomy? How’s that possible?

1

u/AliceInNara May 04 '21

Sounds like he wants something to blame for his choice not to participate in selling sex, but also make it seem like he totally would, he just cant, because this other thing, but he like totally would. And also his chosen career so much harder.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

46

u/Dong_Hung_lo May 04 '21

Does everyone here know what OF stands for except me? I googled it and got Open Firmware and Operation Firestorm amongst others. I’m not sure any of them fit the context.

35

u/Wahpaw May 04 '21

ODD FUTURE WOLF GANG KILL THEM ALL

33

u/IcebergSlimFast May 04 '21

Of all people you, u/Dong_Hung_lo, should know what OF stands for.

2

u/ChazCharlie May 04 '21

Maybe his name is literal and he's never needed such a site.

→ More replies

2

u/GooseWithDaGibus May 04 '21

You said "everyone became her friend and the money flowed in". I'm a little confused what exactly that means?

6

u/supplyncommand May 04 '21

basically lots of new male customers and attention. some shed treat more friendly and professionally and some shed be more flirtatious with. lots of money from people like that. lots of temptation that comes with it too. we were young, one of life’s tough lessons. she went from feeling like nobody noticing her to the star of the show. cared about her a lot tho that was very low point and difficult time for me. caused some insecurity and trust issues on my end for sure

→ More replies

2

u/trust_no_one1 May 04 '21

i've read a lot of girls on there lose their families cause they found out. ofcourse someone you know will eventually find out. it's online anda popular site. i don't care for it myself. i could never post my pics for $$$ and i doubt anyone would want to pay,lol

2

u/sadacal May 04 '21

I think a lot of attractive women probably face that same issue in any public facing role. All the attention really screws with your head. People say pretty girls have it easy but they didn't have to grow up being treated like an object to be pursued.

→ More replies

29

u/hensothor May 04 '21

Thanks for sharing your perspective! It’s good to hear both sides. Also props for not shaming him for his choice to potentially end the relationship.

20

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

Oh nah. If he wants to leave then he should leave. But I definitely get both sides of the story.

36

u/alianaoxenfree May 04 '21

My best friend consistently tries to talk me into doing OF with her and this is exactly why I don’t want to. Just reading The amount of sexual messages that come in on Reddit from simply being a woman on the site, is exhausting enough. I can’t imagine living breathing doing all day everyday. Yeah I could use the extra money but I’m not about to sell my life to it

2

u/UncleStumpy78 May 04 '21

Is it really bad for you, just on regular reddit? I'm just so curious about the female experience, but it would probably depress me to know how bad it is

4

u/alianaoxenfree May 04 '21

Yes and no. To be fair I have some very mild (sfw) selfie’s posted. But even when I didn’t there would still be gross messages coming in from comments I’ve left on stuff.

-3

u/heresyforfunnprofit May 04 '21

Let’s see… complains about unwanted sexual attention on a psuedonymous social media site… I’m betting the profile contains ~90% thirsty pics… click… hmmm, looks like closer to 85%… eh, close enough I guess.

6

u/alianaoxenfree May 04 '21

If those are thirsty pics then what’s just plain selfies and weight loss pics 😂

9

u/extralyfe May 04 '21

what's crazy to me is that you have quite a well-spoken post history across a variety of topics, but, the moment a woman complains about unwanted sexual attention on the internet, you immediately go full neckbeard and stalk her profile looking for sexual pictures, before publicly posting your stream-of-thought styled "thirst rating" of this lady for everyone to see, like you're some kind of authority on the matter.

like, holy fucking yikes, bro, but, thanks for being brave enough to immediately prove her point.

6

u/alianaoxenfree May 05 '21

Thank you for saying what I couldn’t quite put eloquently

2

u/tarotfoxie May 05 '21

Thats gonna be a yikes™️ from me, dawg

3

u/VegetableOk2736 May 04 '21

Drug dealers make money quick too, it's the same game. If we dont promote drug dealing as a positive career choice, I'd say your stance is a smart one to take. You're worth more than your body, stop feeding simps. Let's better humanity

2

u/CyclicSC May 04 '21

I agree that we should decriminalize drugs.

2

u/VegetableOk2736 May 05 '21

Sex is legal as fuck

3

u/Zenniverse May 04 '21

I’m a guy and I had an OF, but quit as soon as I got in a relationship. It felt weird now that I want single and I had already gotten really exhausted from doing it.

→ More replies

35

u/iceover May 04 '21

Well it really depends on the woman, I’ve personally never had a problem doing similar stuff & having a boyfriend at the same time

87

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

Yes agreed it does depend on the woman. If you don't have a thick skin or a strong mentality before going in, it gets tough after a while. At least for me it did.

32

u/GunslingerOutForHire May 04 '21

Plus, having a partner that is okay with and comfortable with goes into it as well. Having to sell yourself as you do in situations as this, having a partner that can be a solid foundation helps. I'm fairly certain that this entire situation is different on a person by person basis. OP can't deal with it, and that's okay. If they can't, that's fine and they shouldn't have to.

9

u/san_souci May 04 '21

Well I believe OP is saying that his GF doesn’t seem to be as enthusiastic about sex with him in real life as see does in the nudes she sells. It doesn’t sound as if he would have a problem with her selling nudes otherwise.

3

u/GunslingerOutForHire May 04 '21

Likely correct. My understanding is that if you're going to use sex as a "gimmick" to make money, be careful not to lose what's important at the homefront. Thanks to the way capitalism is designed, we find that we all sell our bodies in varying capacities to survive. If OP isn't cool with it, then it is definitely time to move on.

2

u/dirtybitsxxx May 05 '21

Yeah, these comments are weird. I've dated several women who were doing some sort of camming or OF and there was no issue.

9

u/[deleted] May 04 '21 edited 27d ago

[deleted]

2

u/jejcicodjntbyifid3 May 04 '21

She also has to be able to be the type of person who separate her emotions from sex.

I don't think that's something that I ever want to happen to me, or to someone I'm in a relationship with. Especially with the way the brain works, if you can turn it off, it just might get used to it being turned off

→ More replies

2

u/[deleted] May 04 '21

This is what happened to me. My gf and I started posting nudes on Reddit because it seemed fun, but it fucked up our sex drives so much (especially mine.) I never wanted to have sex and all of the energy I put into making videos and posing for photos took all of the fun out of sexual stuff for me. Her and I deleted everything and left that stuff behind and it’s been so much better for my mental health.

2

u/jejcicodjntbyifid3 May 04 '21

I can totally understand how this happens. There really should be more studies on it, I think there are too many people who are pro nudes and all of that, but it does have its ramifications, psychological ones. It's the same thing with people who do porn. They end up with a bit of a damaged sex life

I guess anyway it kind of makes sense, usually when you do things for money then you have to go to great lengths for it and it ends up not being all that enjoyable because that's all you associate it with

2

u/albinobluesheep May 04 '21

I did NOT wanna have sex with my BF.

relevent username?

→ More replies

2

u/Necessary_Couple_487 May 05 '21

More women need to hear this. A lot seem to think OF is the new gold mine without thinking of the consequences it might bring.

2

u/Memec0in May 05 '21

I find it interesting how every major religion from every culture and corner of the earth independently came to the same conclusion about prostitution/sex work (among many other things), and yet in our enlightened Western liberal society, in which we have far more information at our finger tips than ever before, people are still having to figure things out the hard way.

2

u/KiwanaQueen May 05 '21

Same here, a lot of people think doing OF or something similar is easy, but it really isn’t. You have to put in a lot of work, it is so mentally taxing, and it very much skews your perception of men in a negative way.

6

u/help738383883 May 04 '21

yup y’all are the victims here /s

0

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

Literally never said we were. I'm just telling my story and my experience

4

u/muscialroast May 04 '21

Pooor women :,( have to voluntarily sit in the comfort of their home and make money just sitting being told how attractive they are. Poor youuu :,( if only garbage workers, janitors and all hard physical labor jobs that keep society running could experience even a fraction of the toll on your poor soul... I’m sure wiping away the tear with a hundred dollar bill helps dull the pain a bit right?

→ More replies

0

u/[deleted] May 04 '21 edited May 07 '21

[deleted]

10

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

No no, those were NEVER personal relationships. It was turning intimacy into a job. Intimacy was eventually ruined.

3

u/[deleted] May 04 '21 edited May 07 '21

[deleted]

2

u/Nurizeko May 04 '21

No such thing as a free lunch, gotta pay for that sorta money somehow, and you seem to have experienced the price.

Great money, dysfunctional relationships and general unavailability for that sorta thing.

0

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

Sure did. Which is fine because I believe it to have been a great learning experience. I found out what my kinks were, I was very comfortable and proud of my body, I learned about different fetishes and some of the guys psychology behind them, and I truly learned that money does not buy happiness. Having money became boring. I see why the rich are bored. How easy it is to want something and fucking snap your fingers for it.

→ More replies

-2

u/TopazRoom May 04 '21

A man makes a post about how down he is because his girlfriend chooses to prostitute herself and has destroyed the relationship as a result. This woman made a choice that affects the both of them, makes him so unhappy he cant even be with someone he loves anymore...and your response is to make it about yourself, complain about how much you hate it and then top it off with how much you miss the money aspect in something like that?

The fucks wrong with you? Wheres your bedside manner, this guy could be severely fucked up over this. Imagine this guy kills himself (hopefully he doesnt, but there are many such cases of this) and all you had to contribute was “Us girls dont know how hard whoring is until we do it!”

Im not gonna spend any time arguing with a person who likely wont take any responsibility for their past or present actions and try to skirt around accountability.

Shame one you for this post, you’re twisted.

4

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

It was more so of a "I know about both sides of this story cuz I had a personal experience". But yea I get how it seems like I'm just talking about myself. Also, if you reread his post, he's not complaining about the sex work itself, he's complaining about how its affecting his sex life. My response was about the sex life that is being disrupted.

-4

u/TopazRoom May 04 '21

Prostitution ruined his relationship, if he doesn’t hate it now, he will soon realize the true scope of what has happened to him in greater detail.

I wonder how many millions or even billions of other men have to go through this with this prostitution pandemic thats surged in the last few years. Its sad shit, i wonder why not enough people are talking about it.

I hope OP can find peace, and you too frankly, and i dont mean that in a snarky way, you ARE a victim, I just am pointing out that theres a time and a place to make it about you.

→ More replies

1

u/Nonsuperstites May 04 '21

A viewpoint from the other side seemed pretty relevant to the post, maybe you should settle down.

0

u/TopazRoom May 04 '21

She herself said she sees how she came across. She’s not giving you a discount bro, no matter how much you project emotions onto other people.

→ More replies

1

u/vegeta_bless May 04 '21

i’m pretty sure women DO know how much of a toll it is lmfao, that’s why most respectable partners don’t do that in a relationship

1

u/Pineapple_Sundae May 04 '21

Being an only fans girl is not a full-time job.

→ More replies

-1

u/DfundPolice May 04 '21

aaweee poor girl getting paid to get naked. Here's my upvote you poor thing

2

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

OMG thank you so much!!! I have reason to live now!

-2

u/shlongkonga May 04 '21

hahaha, acting like you NEEDED to sell nudes. Sorry but there’s so many other ways to make money.

5

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

Nope, never said I needed to.

-1

u/mongocyclops May 04 '21

Wow sounds soo hard. You poor thing, how did you ever manage to get through that ?

3

u/bedgasm_for_one May 04 '21

OMG thank you soooooo much for feeling sorry for me. I cry myself to sleep at night and hope that a random stranger on reddit, such as yourself, feels sorry for me. Thank you!

0

u/NUDESFORSALE21 May 04 '21

Girl preach, I'm exhausted all the time. That's why I stopped posting while I was in a relationship.

→ More replies
→ More replies