r/MadeMeSmile 5d ago

Forgiveness is healing Sad Smiles

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u/RoseDraddog 5d ago

This is my worst nightmare.

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u/irrumabo_ego 5d ago

I caused an accident that luckily didn't kill anyone but did result in injury. No alcohol, drugs or speeding involved, just bad luck and last-minute judgment.

My insurance forbade me to contact the victim in any way in order to not negatively influence any legal outcomes.

That was years ago and insurance paid out without issue making him "whole" but I'm still haunted by the fact that I caused an innocent person a lot of pain and suffering.

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u/chickendie 5d ago

When I was in college, I rear-ended an elderly gentleman because the highway was too slippery during the rain and sudden traffic jam. Nothing serious. My car was more damaged than his. We exchanged insurance details. It was clearly my fault for not reacting quickly. I wanted to apologise to the old man.

But I didn't. Because those horror stories scared me when people told me you shouldn't apologize because that's like admitting fault and reliability.

All these years gone by, I wish I apilogized to the man.

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u/NoNormals 5d ago

In Canada there's actually a law where saying sorry does not count as an admission of guilt

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u/91anders 5d ago

Canada kinda needs that, doesn't it?

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u/Hjalpmi_ 5d ago

It sure would be useful in Canada, eh.

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u/eyekunt 5d ago

I'm sorry but i don't think I'm at fault here

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u/Hjalpmi_ 5d ago

He said it! He said the thing! Sorry but you are definitely guilty!

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u/MikoSkyns 5d ago

Heh, If I recall correctly that was the argument for passing the law.

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u/thomthehipposlayer 5d ago

I know this comment is getting a lot of jokes, but that's legitimately a good law.

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u/mmm_unprocessed_fish 5d ago

It is. I feel like it’s a knee-jerk reaction in a stressful situation for many of us to just apologize.

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u/DirtyDanil 5d ago

Australia is the same.

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u/retrogeekhq 5d ago

I bet the text is something like "Sorry eh, but saying sorry is not admission of guilt."

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u/Gl0ryToArstotzka 5d ago

I'm not sure about the law on traffic accidents but I'm a med student in Europe and we were thought that if something goes wrong during treatment or surgery or whatever then it's ALWAYS okay to say sorry to the patient. It can never be used against you legally as an admission of guilt.

I think its a good law because oftentimes a genuine apology or simply recognition of a mistake (whether it was your fault or not) is all a patient needs. I hope it extends to traffic laws and other areas.

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u/SkidMcmarxxxx 5d ago

Research has even shown that patients who receive a sincere apology from their doctors are less likely to sue (for more).

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u/whoogiebear 5d ago

as a doctor (just graduated), i have been trained to apologize as appropriate, including admitting fault if applicable (without throwing other specific people under the bus).

i do not know whether this would increase my chances of being convicted if something goes to court, but i do know that it dramatically decreases the chances of a case going to court in the first place and, more importantly, it is crucial for treatment adherence and mental health for patients and their families to understand the progress of disease and care.

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u/Sea_Link8352 5d ago

I am a lawyer (but I don't do personal injury). Even in other types of cases, you wouldn't believe the amount of money an apology can be worth. I know I've been in positions where I'm just so damn angry at the person or I just want them to admit that I'm right that I would be willing to lose some money over it in exchange for a sincere apology.

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u/CommandersLog 5d ago

liability

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u/FLAPPY_BEEF_QUEEF 5d ago

It's just water under the fridge now

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u/Magnetickiwi1 5d ago

It was a blessing in the skies really

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u/Mary_Michaela24 5d ago

Both times I got in an accident I just cried. The person I hit ended up having to comfort me 😂😂

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u/mellopax 5d ago

I just listened to a podcast talking about this. Some states have protections for apologies, but since we can't have anything nice, companies have been using it to give apologies purely because it makes people less likely to sue.

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u/Boring_Lead62 5d ago

All these years gone by, I wish I apilogized to the man.

I'm just here to restate that even if you believe you are at fault, never admit it's your fault or apologize for the collision. It's the police and insurance's job to determine who was at fault, not yours. Just recount your story truthfully. They might be at fault due to something you are not aware of or could miss out on shared liability if you live in a state that has that sort of thing.

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u/OZZYMK 5d ago

Surely if you know you're at fault for an accident you should admit it so the other person isn't forced to pay out because of something you did, and know you did? Or am I being naive here?

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u/SmellsLikeAnAsshole 5d ago

Of course you should. If you fender bender someone sitting still at a red light, you are 100% at fault no if ands or doubts about it. Admit fault, speed it along.

Often times, a good cop that is called for the incident report will just give you both the information of the other driver and not bother with a ticket for the offense if you honest about what happens.

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u/eyekunt 5d ago

I'd rather rely on the cam footage instead of put myself into the blaming business.

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u/Parmak64 5d ago

You should, but this is the U.S. we're talking about here. Most people are one at-fault accident away from losing everything they have. Even a minor accident can and will force you to go into large amounts of debt unless you have a lot of savings to back yourself up. This system of extreme and cruel punishment combined with complex and draconian insurance policies makes it very risky for an individual to admit fault.

I accidentally admitted fault to an accident recently where I hit a piece of metal lying in the middle of the highway and blew out my gas tank, the insurance company made me pay almost the entire amount and I was forced to use every cent I had to cover it, basically wiping all my accounts to 0. Which is unfair since I had already paid thousands of dollars into my policy by that point in monthly dues.

It's not really the people's fault for not wanting to admit fault, they're just adapting to an unfair and corrupt system.

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u/Calvin153 5d ago

Doesn't always work that way. Older gentleman making a right on red to a 4 lane. Pulled out, I'm looking for oncoming traffic to also pull out and ended up hitting him because he stopped halfway across. Not something I expected. He apologized profusely and my insurance still paid because I hit him. Luckily minor damage all around but that added to my list of stupid things drivers do that you have to watch out for

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u/Aedalas 5d ago

A former friend (variety of reasons, not just this) caused an accident resulting in 2 deaths. I never once heard him say anything about the victims, just a whole lot of lamenting about how much it's ruined his life with the negligent manslaughter charges and all the costs eventually leading to filling bankruptcy. I must have heard him mention something about the accident 50 times, not a single instance was about them.

The simple fact that you're still concerned with the victim tells us a lot about you.

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u/Ziggy_The_Great 5d ago

I can’t speak for your friend, nor do I know him. However, I wouldn’t want to speak about something like that with anyone and would probably bury it deep down inside because the guilt would kill me.

Maybe your ex-friend was in a similar boat…

Or maybe he was just an asshole who didn’t care at all.

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u/Sybert777 5d ago

His view seems valid, though single-sided. He got to walk this earth still, that was enough.

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u/THROWAWAYwaidwml 5d ago

Same here except the person died. The guilt eats me up daily.

The median was blended in with the ground (they completely remolded it and added flashers), I was driving in a new area on my way to work at 5 in the morning and realized I was on the wrong side of the turning lane, fixed it and went over the barely-there median, right where she was walking. No speeding, no phone, just a terrible split decision.

I was just trying to stop for gas when I hit and killed a woman walking on the median on her way to work and to dig the cut even deeper, she had apparently recently moved to that state and town to take care of her elderly mother that suffered dementia (this is what my lawyer told me so I’m not sure if it’s factual). I was advised not to reach out as well by insurance and my employer. In her uncles statement in court he said they were offended I didn’t even bother to check on her. I had to go to work 3 hours later per my bosses word since the officer released me and ONLY gave me a moving violation. I go to therapy now, but I still think about this woman (almost) 6 years later.

The family wanted a bridge built where it happened for people to safely cross since it was a big intersection, and the judge just sort of waved them off, and gave me a really lenient punishment, even with me taking a guilty plea. I often feel like I should’ve died too, because it’d probably bring her family peace. I viewed her obituary and she had a lot of family and seemed really loved by her community. But that image of her laying on the ground and moaning while she’s bleeding from her head will never ever leave my mind. Then a woman ran up and said she thought it was her friends aunt, then medics come, then they have me sit on the median the whole time with traffic starring at me like it was my judgment day. Then the cop lets me leave with a $400 ticket, and says I did nothing wrong.

The charge was bumped up to misdemeanor death by vehicle. Deservingly. Idk if I should say her name but I kept all my paperwork from that incident so I couldn’t forget. This post just struck a nerve.

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u/SilentMaunder 5d ago

I don't understand. Were you basically deemed "not as much at fault" because the lady crossed the street illegally?

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u/THROWAWAYwaidwml 5d ago

Yes. The officer who showed up to the scene told me we were both in the wrong, but this wasn’t my fault, just bad timing between the two of us.

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u/taffypulller 5d ago

Are you able to reach out to her family after this time?

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u/THROWAWAYwaidwml 5d ago

I’m not sure, but I think about it a lot. I’m not sure if they’d think I’m doing it for my own gratification and I don’t want to hurt them even further if it could possibly lead to that.

I’m not even sure who I would contact to establish that connection as I don’t know any of her family members names. If I ever become super rich one day (holding out hope) I’m going to figure a way to reach out since I feel like I owe them a lot more than my insurance could compensate.

I wrote a statement of my own and read it in front of her family and the courtroom full of random people, but her family just looked pissed (completely understandable). I explained how it came about, apologized and apologized some more. I started crying and couldn’t see my paper I wrote on anymore so I just started speaking from the heart and I think I just made myself look like I had a victim complex by crying when they were the ones grieving. I just have immense guilt and I cry easily.

Edit: also, it’s been 6 years. I’m not sure how they would like me popping back up after all this time as it could be a really shitty reminder to them about someone they love being killed.

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u/Forgetfulfoodfairy 5d ago

It’s unfortunate where we live a simple sorry or having human decency leads to legal consequences. It doesn’t make it right but it’s understandable you had to protect yourself. The fact you feel so horrible means you are doing your time and penance. What’s in your heart is what matters. stay safe and healthy.

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u/THROWAWAYwaidwml 5d ago

I appreciate you saying that and I completely agree that it’s stupid considering I took a guilty plea either way. Maybe that’s what determined my lenient punishment though.

For anyone curious: it was 1 year of unsupervised probation, 1 year of my license being suspended, and 600 (I think I have the number right) hours of community service to complete within 6 months.

I was in the military at the time and it’s not like I could tell my sergeant to go fuck hisself and reach out anyways. I would’ve had repercussions on both ends if I did that I’m pretty sure.

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u/Jimmyspaz1986 5d ago

A child ran out on the road and my aunt hit and killed him. There was nothing she could do, no way to stop in time. The fucked up thing is her brother died the same way when he was 6. She hasn't drove a car since. Takes the bus everywhere.

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u/MunkyDust94 5d ago

Just my opinion, but the fact you feel so terribly about it and would try and make amends if possible, shows how sorry you really are. Accidents are named as such for a reason, so don't beat yourself up.

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u/thisisfats 5d ago

Reasonable people understand that extraordinary circumstances happen, and no one is really at fault. If it were me, how could I be annoyed at you for something that's random chance? I'd totally forgive you, and many others would too.

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u/Vakz 5d ago

What you are describing is the rational thing to do, but when you go through a severely traumatic event it's not always easy to be rational. You were injured at no fault of your own. "Bad luck" caused you to maybe spend weeks in a hospital bed, months in rehab, and maybe you've lost some physical functioning permanently. You will know that the rational thing to do is to forgive them, because they didn't intend to do it, but there will be days when emotionally you just want to have someone to blame.

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u/thomthehipposlayer 5d ago

My aunt got hit on her motorcycle by a teenager a few years back. My aunt and the family reached out to him to give him comfort and forgiveness. It was really sweet.

We've all had moments where we didn't pay attention like we should and the only difference between someone who hit someone and someone who didn't is often luck. Most of the time we don't even realize we made a mistake because nothing happens, but occasionally, you're not so lucky.

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u/N16645 5d ago

I highly recommend you give a listen to the episode entitled "Jesse" from the Heavyweight podcast. It deals with someone's experience going through a very similar situation.

The tag for the episode is: "Four years ago, Jesse was hit by a car and nearly died. Now he wants to find the driver. And thank him."

I think you'll really appreciate it.

Here's a Spotify link

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2h7zw4DA0zBVm2qD4Tu7xz?si=ytDjNrxTRr6vFlgbszlM8w&utm_source=copy-link&dl_branch=1

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u/melancholyink 5d ago

I was more distraught in an accident where I was at fault than the victim. They were physically okay, shaken up but I could not cope with having possibly hurt someone due to a stupid error.

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u/UPGRADED_BUTTHOLE 5d ago

I was in an accident, the angry person called demanding I buy them a new car after spam calling my family and insurance (likely finding our information online). The first thing I did, interrupting his rant, was ask: "Is everyone okay? Are the kids okay? Are there any injuries? I'm really worried about everyone!"

Guess what the guy said, while knowingly being recorded?
"No, there's no injuries, everyone is fine, you don't have to worry, thank you for asking." I then told him I was busy helping my grandparents, and that he needed to contact my insurance to deal with everything.

Then he tried suing me for injuries and emotional strife. I sent the recording of the conversation to my insurance, and the court dismissed his case, and my insurance went back down because in their system I wasn't at fault :D

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u/Bee__Positive 5d ago

I think it's great they were able to forgive him.

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u/RoseDraddog 5d ago

I do too. I just don't know if I'd ever be able to forgive myself.

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u/Bee__Positive 5d ago

I think I misunderstood.

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u/RoseDraddog 5d ago

I think you just care ❤️

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u/marshmallmao 5d ago edited 5d ago

why are u this wholesome????????????

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u/SketchyAnonCat 5d ago

Sometimes it could be a cruel world, people helping people feel better makes life a lot better 🙂

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u/NetroAlex 5d ago

Everyone you see has a life, just like you, with problems, just like you. Sometimes a few nice words or even a smile can help someone out immensely even if you don't know their troubles

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u/226506193 5d ago

You have no ideas how right you are. No you know exactly how right you are lmao. Making someone's else day a bit better is a hell of an addicting feeling, its an addiction of mine lol.

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u/_DEDSEC_ 5d ago edited 5d ago

I went out for the first time in a month day before yesterday, for groceries. Ordered some Saj with cheese from the bakery section, (an Egyptian grilled cheese of sorts). The barker then proceeded to start talking about why I didn't like Zataar with my Saj. We spoke for 5m, and in that time we went from why I didn't like Zataar to he's life as a kid in school eating Manakish with Zataar.

I'm an introvert with difficulty of verbal communication (maybe that's why I'm an introvert in the first place) but during our conversation I barely felt awkward or stammered while speaking. It boosted my confidence levels to max, and a simple chat with the barker is all I needed.

I noticed he talked with every customer that he served, no matter who they are or were they are from. I suppose he's like a bar man but working in a bakery section!

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u/Mysterious-Ad-1541 5d ago

11 hour old accounts are the best at being optimistic 🥰

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u/orten_boi 5d ago

Omg i just want to hug you to death

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u/226506193 5d ago

Its a matter of perspective.

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u/KennKennyKenKen 5d ago

Going to dinner with people I don't know is also nightmarish to me

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u/CitizenCue 5d ago

It’s why we should have national helmet laws. The physical risk is only with the rider, but the psychological risk to other drivers is enormous.

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u/mmartinien 5d ago

I live in a country with national helmet law. Motorcycle is still statistically a very dangerous activity. But yeah, having a good gear is essential and can drastically improve the consequences of an accident

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u/aleyda93 5d ago

My dad was killed in a heavy machinery accident while at work. The coworker that was operating the back hoe was not at fault but he was absolutely devastated. It broke my heart when he came to speak with us the day of the accident. He couldn’t even look us in the eyes. He ended up being hospitalized. He did not attend my father’s funeral, I guess he just didn’t have it in him but he would visit me from time to time at work. We did not blame him, and we made sure to tell him that. I’m not sure what good that did him though. My sister went to school with his daughter and she said he suffers night terrors. I hope he’s doing better, I can’t imagine.

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u/masterkaz 5d ago

I'm sure that you helped him, you and your family are good people.

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u/buffychrome 4d ago

Unfortunately, sometimes that’s not enough for the person, though I’m 100% sure it helped. Traumas like that can cause some people to put themselves in a prison and they are the only ones with the key. Forgiveness from others is only half of that key, forgiving themselves is the other half, and sometimes that never happens.

It can be a form of survivor’s guilt; they don’t believe they deserve to forgive themselves even if everyone around them forgives them. They don’t believe they deserve to be alive when others are not, especially if they blame themselves regardless whether the facts say otherwise.

The night terrors can be a form of their own mind’s attempt to punish themselves, but sometimes they can simply be the result of a traumatized mind trying to make sense and reconcile a horrible event. In other words, ptsd.

Speaking from some experience, the only way out is to learn how to forgive themself, talk about it, and find a way to allow themselves to heal.

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u/shushpen 5d ago

My brother was killed in a scooter accident by an elderly woman when he attempted to make a left hand turn. The scooter he road was mine that he borrowed. This story resonates with me, as I know the burden of guilt that a person can carry, that if not reconciled, can and will bury a person in misery. The capacity of forgiveness and empathy the parents were able to extend to this person is magnanimous. It is a true form of love and grace towards another. It is remarkable and something we should all aspire to.

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u/masterkaz 5d ago

Did you ever contacted that woman? Or did the woman tried to contact your family after the accident?

Sorry if this is too personal, I'm just a bit curious.

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u/moftary_EG 5d ago

I'm sorry for your loss. Guilt truly does eat your psyche inside out, and further holding grudges just doesn't bring people back.

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u/Techno_Beiber 5d ago

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” -Lewis B. Smedes

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u/runnersgo 5d ago

I'd never understand how people can move on from depression like this - sometimes, momentarily forgetness is such bliss ...

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u/Woodshadow 5d ago

In high school there was a girl who was driving 90 down a small road and hit someone who was pulled over to the side. Split the car in two. She lives not a scratch on her and he died. She was elected for class senate or something the following year. I remember a lot of people thinking how privileged she was and how they couldn't believe nothing bad happened to her. I wonder now how that affected her mentally

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u/hiimnormal11 5d ago

This story reminded me of when a girl in one of my college classes died a few years ago.

She saw an accident on the side of a major highway, so she pulled over to help. When she got out of her car to assist the people in the accident, she was hit and killed by a drunk driver. It was such a tragic accident. I hate that such a selfless, caring person died in such a terrible way.

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u/BrupTA 5d ago

Almost the exact thing happened to one of my dad's students. He was long graduated and a husband/father, when he pulled over to help someone who had spun out on the icy northern Midwest roads he was killed in a hit and run. It just doesn't seem fair, how someone so selfless and who so many people depend on can just die in am instant.

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u/workedog 5d ago edited 5d ago

I'm sorry for what happened to your friend. I wish they taught this in Driver's Ed: stay belted in your car on highways when stopped. As soon as you unbuckle, you are in danger.

Even if the other car is on fire, if you get hit while rushing to help then the situation is made worse. If you absolutely need to get out and help, first you should move to block traffic with your car, park a few car lengths back at an angle with the wheels turned in a safe direction (Police do this also, so a rear-end collision pushes your car away from the disabled vehicle/yourself), and wait for a buffer of stopped cars to build up behind you if possible before exiting the vehicle. Otherwise, stay belted in and call for professional help.

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u/richpadd 5d ago

My class mate from school knocked over and killed a young child the child ran into traffic it was never his fault he committed suicide because of it could never get over the grief.

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u/PugBoi2008 5d ago

Similiar thing happened a few months ago in sweden. A child was running behind a truck pr something and the driver didn't see him so the child died. Later the driver commited suicide.

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u/yeahcrew 4d ago

Are you referring to the accident in östersund? Didn't hear about the driver taking his own life, that's tragic.

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u/PugBoi2008 4d ago

Yes that is the one im talking about.

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u/CristolerGm2 5d ago

how the hell that's fucked up

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u/Lawfulmoth 5d ago

Grief can be unimaginable, on every side.

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u/SirAchmed 5d ago

True. Thing about grief is that it comes from the inside, you can’t escape from it. If you’re not successful in dealing with it, it stays forever.

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u/Schonfeldt 5d ago

Shame and guilt. That’s what’s destroys you from the inside. You carry the grief from everyone loving that child on your shoulders for the rest of your life.

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u/MoneySings 5d ago

I knew a guy at school in the UK. He passed his driving test and was confidently driving about. This guy was an A* student.

One day, a school bus in front of him stopped to let some kids off and he drove around it not knowing a kid was going to run out.

He killed the child and it destroyed him. Depression, guilt - turned into a dropout stoner after that.

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u/bullymeahhh 5d ago edited 5d ago

It's illegal to drive around a stopped bus in the US so he definitely would have faced criminal charges here. Does the UK not have a similar law?

edit: I'm referring to school buses. Don't know about regular buses.

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u/Paboozorusrex 5d ago

In France they teach us not to pass a stoped bus, be a special or normal bus, never pass a stoped bus because you never know if someone is gonna cross the road since you can't see squat. I don't know for other driving school but mine was adamant on that. Even if it's long and annoying to wait I always do

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u/FrequentingThePlanet 5d ago

No, it isn't illegal to drive around a stopped bus in the UK (or the US, other than school buses)

The UK doesn't have jazzy dedicated school buses either so it's just a case for common sense and caution

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u/SmallsTheHappy 5d ago edited 5d ago

School buses are such a normal thing in the US I had never considered they weren’t normal elsewhere

Edit: some of y’all need to learn that me making a fun comment about a difference between countries is not an excuse to shit on my country, right to my face.

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u/stealingyourpixels 5d ago

Oftentimes buses for kids will say ‘school’ on the back, but they just look like normal buses.

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u/Ezraf08 5d ago

I’m from Europe and I have never seen a school bus in my life. I think they’re such a weird concept.

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u/aldoXazami 5d ago

Well in extremely rural areas it is the only true form of public transport. Where I'm from probably over half the kids wouldn't attend school if buses didn't exist. I think the whole concept was created in a wonderful way to make sure education is available to even the most landlocked and impoverished.

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u/Ezraf08 5d ago edited 5d ago

If you put it that way, it sounds really useful. I’m just so used to everything being either at cycling distance or reachable via public transport.

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u/snekhoe 5d ago

it would have been a 30 min bike for me to get to my high school which is nothing compared to many. it would have taken my boyfriend about 2 hours to bike to his! the bus is very important for those outside of a city. you never really think about it. imagine a US without school buses that would be CRAZY but maybe public transportation would have caught up a bit.

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u/Atibana 5d ago

They make more sense after reading OP’s account

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u/The_Fustilarian 5d ago

Most of the US has bad or nonexistent public transportation, so these buses are great for suburban kids who otherwise wouldn't have a great way to get to school. And you rarely see them once the kids are teens.

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u/HugeProposal 5d ago

Oh.. It's so much more than just school buses, my friend.

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u/grsims20 5d ago

Oh believe me, our school buses in the US may be dedicated, but they are NOT jazzy.

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u/Terrible_Truth 5d ago

Doesn’t that only apply to school buses though? I think you can drive around public buses in the US.

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u/bullymeahhh 5d ago

I believe so. Their comment speaks about a school bus though.

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u/Zachliam 5d ago

It isn't really a thing over here. We don't have the same kind of school buses in the UK and no buses in the UK have stop signs attached to them like in the US (at least, I've never seen it in my 3 decades here)

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u/hereitcomesagin 5d ago

Stopping for any bus where you can't see what's going on ahead is just good sense, IMO. IDGAF if some jerk behind gets their panties in a twist. Just because the law says you MAY does not mean you MUST. Same with the free right on red. If it doesn't look safe, don't do it.

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u/Azuzu88 5d ago

We just teach children not to run out in to the road when they get off the bus, it doesn't hurt them to wait a few seconds either. This is linked to the idea of pedestrian responsibility in the UK, make sure its safe to cross. We don't have laws about jaywalking because of this responsibility.

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u/BagOnuts 5d ago

We do that too, but sometimes kids do kid things.

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u/StriderGraham 5d ago

I used to get the bus to and from school as a kid, it was a popular route so there were two double decker buses. One day a kid was walking in front of the bus to cross the road. A book dropped out of his bag, poor bus driver never saw him bend down and ran him over killing him. I’m thankful I was on the other bus, but some of my mates were pretty haunted by the experience. Don’t cross the road in front of buses!

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u/negligiblespecies 5d ago

Ha, that’s a laugh “pedestrian responsibility” I’ve seen so many people just walk out from a crossing without even looking to make sure the cars have stopped.

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u/izyshoroo 5d ago

You can teach children loads of things, it's still the adults' responsibility to ensure their safety. A kindergartener doesn't understand what road safety laws are, they might not even understand why their parents tell them to be careful around roads, just that they will get in trouble if they disobey. Nothing on the planet can be banked on "Well, we teach the children to be responsible so it's all good 👍" Its is ALWAYS the adults' responsibility at the end.

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u/daviEnnis 5d ago

I think you're underestimating how many buses there are in the UK. If you never overtook a bus, you'd bring the entire system to a halt, and walking would get the job done about 3x as quickly.

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u/CaptainCornflakez 5d ago

The problem in the UK with that is our roads are really small and sometimes those buses stop for a good 10 minutes to wait for kids or take their break etc, sometimes you have no choice but to go around.

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u/Terrible_Truth 5d ago

For sure. I’m still careful around public buses though. Plenty of adults crossing streets without looking.

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u/ApteryxAustralis 5d ago

I’ve had to slam on my brakes for college kids who don’t look when coming from behind a bus.

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u/MoneySings 5d ago

In the UK there is no such law. Which is crazy

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u/Terrible_Truth 5d ago

Nuts. Do UK kids walk home? My US public school was a bit too far to walk and didn’t have sidewalks. More than half the route would be walking on the shoulder of a road. Didn’t even have a bike path.

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u/Dacia1320S 5d ago edited 5d ago

In europe we don't have school buses in big cities and kids just take public transport. You can get anywhere here with public transport so that's not a problem.

In my country, the only time I've seen specific school buses (more like minibuses) are for kindergarden and sometimes primary school in cities; and in rural parts for all kids , where the school is quite a few kilometers away.

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u/AMViquel 5d ago

gindergarden

Kindergarden for gingers?

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u/whitedan2 5d ago

Imo it's crazy how good it works, one would expect thousands of dead kids but somehow people know to be careful around stopped busses/watch before crossing the road...

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u/ludicrous_socks 5d ago

Some walk, some take the bus.

The School buses aren't yellow things owned by the council though.

They are just commercial coaches that get hired for the run. The only marking they have is an LCD screen on the front and back window usually

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u/MoneySings 5d ago

Where I lived, nearest high-school was 9 miles away. College was 22 miles away.

We had to have a school bus to get there - rural towns were great :)

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u/Mirminatrix 5d ago

I had a very nice, quiet guy in my first writing class write an essay about doing this exact same thing. I can’t imagine being responsible for such a tragedy while still in my teens. He was an excellent, hard-working student, so I have hope he is doing well all these years later.

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u/pomorri 5d ago edited 5d ago

I saw a girl get hit because she (stupidly) crossed in front of the bus.

It was a city bus but there was a huge private high school on the route and these were two of the students.

Several other passengers heard her (and I did, too) bragging to her boyfriend just before they de boarded that she never walks all the way back to the crosswalk “the cars always stop, idgaf.”

Exact words.

Yeah, they stop if they can see you. There was NOTHING the poor woman in the car that hit her could have done to avoid this human that ran out RIGHT in front of her. On a busy street. At 45mph. The bus driver saw it coming and tried honking and waving but the girl ignored him.

Happened right in front of my window.

She flew maybe 40 feet, screaming the whole way- until she landed. She didn’t make any noise after that.

Her purse and backpack hit the pavement 20 ft away from where she landed.

I thought I saw someone die, but she survived with “just” a broken femur. Ouch. “Luckily” that bone took pretty much all of the impact from the front grill, rather than her chest or head hitting the hood/windshield.

Hope she learned to respect crosswalks.

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u/XCinnamonbun 5d ago

There’s a lot of pedestrians like this near a road that enters a university campus near me.

This entrance isn’t really designed for pedestrians, it’s mainly for cars and has a medium sized busy 30mph roundabout right in front.

That being said they’ve put traffic light pedestrian crossings everywhere to make sure if pedestrians need to cross they can do so safely. Do the students use these? Nope. Instead they cba waiting and stroll out into the road. What they don’t realise is that they’re very hard to see because a car would be exiting the roundabout at that point at a angle that makes it hard to stop suddenly as well. The traffic light crossings are there for a really good reason.

I’ve taken to being very careful around that roundabout but I also beep at students being particularly stupid. Maybe my horn making them jump a bit will remind them they’re not invincible.

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u/corey_m_snow 5d ago

I drive a school bus. This is my worst nightmare.

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u/traveladdict_88 5d ago

If you’re crossing ALWAYS CROSS BEHIND THE VEHICLE

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u/AintSh_tIAM 5d ago

I would like to think I could be like the family, not let anger and bitterness eat away at my soul. Honestly accidents do happen and if the person has genuine remorse, I could forgive.

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u/Paulo_De_Bruyne 5d ago

I think the family knew what was it like to lose someone and they didn't want it to happen to anyone else because of a mistake. It was a very nice and wholesale gesture

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u/stinky_fingers_ 5d ago

May be by helping him, they were helping themselves to overcome the grief!

This is self-sustaining healing, IMHO

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u/SP1107 5d ago

Positive feedback loop of healing

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u/buttsaxwithoutlube 5d ago

Hell yea they were. I bet they also don't go to sleep cursing the person who caused the accident till they're 90

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u/Honest_Immortal 5d ago

Definitely wouldn’t get that kind of gesture at any retail store, that’s for sure

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u/jakeygotbandz 5d ago

Nice to know they didn't go for the retail gesture

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u/illy-chan 5d ago

I imagine there's a big difference between someone killing their kid in, say, a drunk driving incident vs an inexperienced teenager who had a legitimate accident.

Sometimes there are tragedies with no villains.

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u/jailbreak 5d ago

In some ways I think it could be cathartic for the family too. They don't have the power to bring their loved one back, but they do have the power to alleviate some of the suffering that their death caused in the world, and to do something kind for someone who is mourning the same accident as they are.

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u/theceasingtomorrow 5d ago

Crazy that someone downvoted you for this comment. This is the best possible outcome to a tragedy like this.

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u/ZoeLaMort 5d ago

I eventually forgave the girl who abused me during all of highschool, and she did express regret for what she did to me. She apologized and we left in good terms.

I still have trauma from that period of my life, but it definitely helped, and I’m so glad with how things turned.

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u/FreeFortuna 5d ago

Just knowing that they’re sorry for it can make such a big difference. It feels worse for trauma to not even be acknowledged, or to be actively dismissed. It’s like validation of your pain when they express remorse, and that seems to open the door to recovery.

I’m glad that you’re doing better, and I hope that one day you fully overcome the trauma.

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u/BMYS43 5d ago

Not so many ex-bullies express their apolozies and remorse. I’m glad yours did it and also glad you bulit a good relationship with her. Pure respect for you plus I would like to tell your ex-bully did a great job there. Hope your trauma heal too soon. You deserve a great future.

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u/catfayce 5d ago

Not like the asshole who was racing his car twice the speed limit on the wrong side of the road and killed my friend cycling home. He pretended to be brain damaged to get out of questioning/sentencing. But then got caught buying a new car and shipping couple of months later. He was sentenced to 6 years which isn't enough for me and he will never be forgiven

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u/Bbkingml13 5d ago

Honestly I bet there were worried this could happen from the time their son started riding a motorcycle

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/ManWhoCanXD 5d ago

Man it totally wasn't your felt it was unexpected right I know our comments simply wouldn't help you but just telling, the only one who could cure this is yourself, be strong and Just remember that it isn't your fault and an accident which can never be undone.....

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u/pnwfarming 5d ago

https://accidentalimpacts.org/

Maybe that site could be helpful for you? I really wish you well.

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u/chipchip9 5d ago

Accidents happen. 4 years ago i struck and killed a pedestrian who was walking in the road. Ive done talk therapy, meditation, emdr, tried to be as open as possible. Its something that i will carry forever, but i wont let it define me. I will keep working on myself. Im looking forward to the post traumatic growth that will come out of my situation. Your not alone, find help if you need it.

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u/kingrezofda31 5d ago

Your strength is amazing my friend

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u/chipchip9 5d ago

So is yours. Be good to yourself. You got this.

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u/Belloq1979 5d ago

I might be wrong but I think part of your situation is caused by the thought that is feels unfair to come to terms with it. I mean, someone died and how could it ever be OK to be happy, right? The thing is you can never make up for what happens how could you? And I know it doesn't even seem to matter if it was your 'fault' which it wasn't from what you have written. A friend of mine who is better at coping with difficult, shame or guilt ladden situations once told me it is very important for him to understand that whatever happens is part of your past the moment it happened. It doesn't help to try to deal with something that already is beyond your influence. I'm not very good at this but it helped. It is part of the irony of life that people who are passionate about others suffer more from things happening to them. I wish you all the best. Life is good no matter what.

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u/ThisIsMyGameAccount 5d ago

Man, the truth is, sometimes you don't recover. Just like physical injury, some scars are permanent. I hope you've sought some form of therapy. It probably won't "fix" you, but it will help you get on the path.

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u/flexsi 5d ago

praying for your happiness and serenity one day man

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u/Lovemybee 5d ago

When I was 19 I was driving to my parents' house for Sunday dinner. On a four lane road with a turning lane in the middle, two young boys ran out into traffic and I ran one of them over. Their parents were in the front yard (and this happened in front of their house). I didn't hit him with the tires, and he passed mostly unharmed beneath my car (some road rash). However, his dad dropped dead from a heart attack right there and then. The mom was left with six children and no income, and tried to sue me. I got a lawyer, and the police report showed the boys ran out into traffic and they were the cause of the accident. Fucked me up for a long time. I have PTSD from it.

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u/knottyhearthwitch 5d ago

Good god. That’s awful. I’m so sorry.

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u/Timestatic 5d ago edited 5d ago

This is fucked up that the woman tried to sue you. While you didn’t kill someone directly but indirectly I hope the guilt isn’t extreme and it doesn’t give you depression or something

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u/PotatoRover 5d ago

I kind of think one of the main reasons the u.s is so into suing people after stuff like this is because it’s the only way to have a chance of not being financially ruined after losing the family’s main source of income. Social safety nets in America leave something to be desired.

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u/Taken450 5d ago

Exactly, Reddit would call this woman a Karen but the country she lives in had left her completely hopeless. It wasn’t the right thing per se but I still can’t blame her.

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u/hfoeowbcjdheiwo 5d ago

Living on minimum wage with 1 or 2 kids is straight up impossible. Not even an exaggeration, it's mathematically just not possible If she wasn't educated and probably got desperate since she had 6 of them. Or maybe she's just a bad person lol

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u/snekhoe 5d ago

desperation

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u/eastjame 5d ago

Made me not smile

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u/queenvie808 5d ago

Yeah.. this is just downright depressing

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u/Pickerington 5d ago

A motorcycle hit my truck recently and it is stuck in my wife and I heads. We were the first to his body and we want what was there out of our heads.

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u/summinsumsum 5d ago

Sorry to hear that. Can be really traumatizing. It's important to speak openly about it with each other, friends and family. Maybe even seek professional counceling if necessary. Don't try to ignore it

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u/shmough 5d ago

I don't see anyone smiling.

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u/neuroap 5d ago

This post is wholesome and maybe comforting but it certainly did not make me smile

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u/leftbower89 5d ago

I hit an old lady's car years ago and while I didn't total it I did put some dents in it. I keep her forgiving nature in mind to this day.

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u/eeyoremarie 5d ago

I was the passenger in an auto accident. We were hit broad side and I hit my head on the window so hard that I had a goose egg so large it fit in my hand when I cup my hand. All because the other driver decided that stop signs should be optional.

I had to sue to cover medical bills, the ambulance cost. I also now have a diagnosis of TBI. It increased my migraines and I get vertigo now, so I have to be very careful when I walk, especially if I'm alone. I've had vertigo so bad that I have fallen, experienced injuries due to falls.

I never once got an apology. Receiving one would have helped me emotionally.

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u/71daysWithoutWeed 5d ago

The way some motorcyclists drive scares me. I don’t want to see you paint the pavement.

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u/hiimnormal11 5d ago

Its especially scary in states where it’s legal to not wear a helmet. 🥴 Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

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u/hotsy-totsy-flopsie 5d ago

Not big on organized religion, but forgiveness is a very useful tool. Example: Someone did you wrong, you forgive them, they’re still a dumbass, you go on with your life. Or Someone does you wrong, you seek revenge, you get revenge. Now you’ve developed skills you probably don’t want and lost time doing things you enjoy. Forgiveness isn’t for the wrongdoer, it’s for the victim so that they can forget about that shit and move on.

It also doesn’t mean you should forget. Don’t trust the cheater with your heart, or the thief with your wallet. But the rest of it is a waste of time.

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u/alfred_27 5d ago

He who seeks revenge should dig two graves

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u/RobertBobThomas 5d ago

Unless more than one person has pissed him off.

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u/Furyphoenix0705 5d ago

If you kill one person for revenge, the amount of revengers in the world stays the same or something

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u/AMViquel 5d ago

No, no, no, graves are a terrible idea. Dump them in the ocean, without a body there won't even be a proper investigation. Plus it's a lot less effort. Who came up with the idea of burying evidence anyways?

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u/PepsiMuppet 5d ago

People confuse forgiving and letting thing go way to often. You can let things go without forgiveness, some people do not deserve to be forgiven...

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u/Babybutt123 5d ago

I think it's important to note that forgiveness isn't necessary for moving on.

It's not an either or situation. You can never forgive someone, no matter how sorry they say they are/how much they turn their life around (or don't) and still move on with your life.

You don't need to seek revenge or forgive.

For example, people who are abused (especially sexually or as kids by family members) are pressured/encouraged to forgive their abusers as if they can't heal without this.

Not so.

I will literally never forgive my stepmother for what she did to me. But I also don't think about it/her and ruminate on it. I've moved on. I've healed from it. Forgiving her would do absolutely nothing for me.

Now, this may not be true for many other people and it may depend on certain situations. But it is definitely true for many people.

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u/Reckoner1122 5d ago

A few years ago, a man was driving down a residential street when a young child ran out from between two cars, and was struck, and killed.....a complete and total accident. He jumped out of the car, absolutely distraught, and tried to help the kid. Well, upon seeing this, the boys uncle came out of the office with a gun, and proceeded to shoot at the man. Not only did he manage to strike, and kill the driver., but stray bullets hit the kid's teenage brother, killing him instantly as well. He then fled the scene, resulting in a full blown manhunt. They eventually tracked him down to a motel, at which time he turned the gun on himself. What started as an unfortunate accident, quickly morphed into an all out tragedy....the likes of which you don't ever fully recover from.

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u/TheDevilsAdvokaat 5d ago

I knew a guy who killed a woman while drunk driving.

He lost his licence for years.. I think seven, but not completely sure now.

When I met him and he told me about it, the person he seemed most sorry for was himself. he still had a five years to go before he got his licence back.

He was always selfish and careless and he'd been a reckless driver for years (and a towie) it was only a matter of time until something happened.

I hope he changed..

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u/dirtydigs74 5d ago

Works both ways too. Our kitty was run over last week, and the lady who hit her came back after dropping her kids off to say sorry. It wasn't her fault anyway, but it really helped us not to hold onto any anger for what was a straight up, no fault, accident.

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u/WhatevUsayStnCldStvA 5d ago

I’m sorry about your kitty. When I was 16, my dog escaped the yard and got hit. I heard it and ran out. Just saw her walk to me and lay down before passing. I screamed my head off just in total shock. Neighbors came out thinking I was being murdered. It’s still hard to think about 16 years later. But the guy that hit her showed up the next day with a card and in tears. I gave him a huge hug. It wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t see her dart out from behind a parked car. I know he felt awful. I thought it was so sweet of him to come back to us with a card like that. He certainly didn’t have to.

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u/thelarper 5d ago

From a perspective of someone who has lost someone. Not my child. But someone close to me. This is everything. Honestly, the end scenario, we know what happened. But, We long to know what happened to the situation. I wish very much that someone from the party would come forward and explain what happened. At this point in time, I just Want to know. It’s hard to know. I’m sorry you must go through this.

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u/Nayten03 5d ago

Why did I have to see this. I have a driving lesson today

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u/IRA_Jihad 5d ago

Is it just me or does anybody else find it weird how acceptable it is to just say anything on Twitter? Like if I was the guy, feeling horrible for what I did, and my old teacher or lecturer started posting about the worst thing I have ever done that ruined my life for some Twitter clout, I wouldn't be too happy about it.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/Tomsk13 5d ago

I used to work for a car insurance company and I once had a customer go off at me because his price was going up due to an accident he caused in which someone died. No sign of regret or remorse, just pure indignation.

Good to see from the comments here that there are at least some people who are capable of feeling guilt. I know I'd be fucked up over something like that, don't know how you get through it and I hope I never have to find out

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u/chaostrulyreigns 5d ago

Imagine seeing your teacher tweet this. So glad I was in school in the 90s.

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u/rmtwosmoker 5d ago

My best friend is killed in 2017 in a motorcycle accident. Once everything was sought out and figured out that there's no drugs or alcohol involved in the accident his parents went to go meet with the 17 year old that had killed my buddy. They gave him a big hug they talked with them they forgave him the most importantly. It was necessary for both his parents and the child that killed him. I admire his parents so much for having so much strength. But they know that the loss of life isn't just in death but in loss of normal life.

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u/Filmcricket 5d ago

Going against the grain on this one:

Pretty fucked up to tell a traumatic, tragic story that isn’t yours to tell in the first place. Let alone tweet it and end it with some vapid, fortune cookie level, flippant, pithy inspo sentence.

Not trying to be a dick, but as someone who went through an extreme, incredibly rare trauma (events that are the plots countless horror movies...) this is exactly why I was selective in who I told and made them assure me they wouldn’t share it with the widest ring of our social circle.

Other people’s traumas aren’t your anecdotes, internet content or dinner party conversations.

Really wish more people understood that, as preventing your story from becoming vapid tweets and the like, involves omitting the events to protect yourself, further exacerbating the isolation trauma & PTSD cause on their own.

If someone ever tells you a deeply intimate story of life altering events? Assume “please don’t repeat this” is built right into the disclosure, since extreme traumas like this & ptsd rip away your sense of control, it’s important to allow the person whose trauma it is to control who knows, when they know and how much they know.

Like it’s beautiful this family and this guy have worked towards healing, but this isn’t her story to tell and the delivery method and tone are simplistic and minimizing the trauma, bordering on degrading it with that last sentence.

This shouldn’t make people smile. This should make people furrow their brow at someone turning a story that’s not theirs about an extremely heavy events and attempts at recovering from them into content for a tweet and clout.

It’s gross.

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u/OurOnlyWayForward 5d ago

I found it almost ironic because I recently read a news story about a woman who forgave a man for murdering her mother. She believed he could be rehabilitated and helped him eventually be released and he then killed her too.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/arkansas-woman-murdered-person-murdered-mother-23-years/story?id=69854438

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u/coolsneaker 5d ago

I know one guy who killed two drunk elderly people with his car. It wasn’t his fault at all but he now suffers from massive depression and can’t life without antipsychotics. Poor guy...

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u/Reiniita 5d ago

I lost my best friend to a motorcycle accident. A young girl hit her. They were both like 21. And the parents were devastated but would worry about the girl that killed their daughter. They found forgiveness in their heart so easily. They still hurt everyday, but they don't hold contempt in their hearts.

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u/HumanOverseer 5d ago

I wonder how awkward that was for him at the start.

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u/BACKROUND- 5d ago

You wouldn’t really be focused on the awkwardness of the situation but be focused on how each other are doing as people.

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u/AnchorBuddy 5d ago

I’d definitely be focused on the awkwardness

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u/summinsumsum 5d ago

They are gaining his trust, and will eventually poison him and feed him to lions while paralyzed

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u/razorzeb 5d ago

This is the way

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u/Antheo94 5d ago

This is the way

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u/prplehailstorm 5d ago

Carole Baskin is that you?

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u/Traditional-Emu-1785 5d ago

I hit a motorcyclist at 17. I called the police 5 times a day until they finally told me he was gonna be okay, I was a complete mess about it, fortunately he lived with no chronic injuries.

Can't imagine how terrible this would be for the kid.

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u/Monkey_venom 5d ago

my 16 year old sister died in a van accident due to her friends friend driving on his restricted licence with other passangers, fully against the terms of his licence. My mother took the stand to be lenient on him since he was 17yrs old. He would have been completely off the hook after some community service/house arrest if he didnt then reapply for his licence 3 times "for work reasons", even though his boss lived 4 doors down and they couldve car-pooled. His case then got re-opened and got tried as an adult for manslaughter as far as I'm aware.

forgiveness actually helping really depends on if the person can, and is willing to make a change, and actually regrets their past decisions.

ps: I dont live in USA in case anyone asks

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u/BellaFace 5d ago

A friend died this week in a motorcycle accident. His wife was on the back and has a TBI. A car didn’t see them coming off an exit ramp and took a left right in front of them. They hit the car and went flying. I believe his body shielded her from most of the impact which is why she survived and he didn’t. They had helmets on and were doing all the right things. His body is still in the morgue because they’re waiting for her to be able to plan the services... I’m heart broken for the loss of him and for her journey. To wake up 3 days later asking for your husband and to be told he’s dead is so fucking awful. Idk what the deal is with the car driver. He got a citation and that’s probably the end of it. I assume he has guilt and that it may impact him... I definitely don’t wish him harm, the situation sucks for everyone involved. Please pay attention while driving... it’s not hard to do and can save lives.

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u/hesawavemasterrr 5d ago

Why does the dinner feel more like a punishment than forgiveness?

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u/FavoriteCardigan13 5d ago

Honestly huge thanks to the OP and these amazing parents. I think this was the last little nudge I needed to forgive my dad and talk to him again. 💕 this gives me hope. 🥲

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u/IWishIWasVeroz 5d ago

I paralyzed my friend in a car accident and I’ve never been the same since. He passed away from his injuries recently.

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