Ive made posts about this before, i have seen an escort before. It was about a year and a half ago but regardless, i saw one. As mentioned earlier i planned to make this a once a year thing but this year its been hilariously difficult. To the point where i think theres a higher power telling me something.
First part of the year i was being turned down by multiple of them for frivolous reasons. I dont know if covid caused a bunch of people from bigger cities to move here because of its low crime and lax covid regulations and this caused crime to sky rocket but every one of them is requiring more hoops to jump through than last time. Even if i jump through the hoops, they will turn me down for xyz. A couple months ago i was gonna meet up with one, then i got sick with covid, i was gonna see another one, family emergency came up and i was required to help, was gonna see another one today, woke up feeling nauseated, tried to fight it since 5 am, and though maybe i should eat, ended up throwing up all that ive ate. Now i have some stomach bug which is just great and had to call it off.
Im turning 23 today and was looking forward to getting well fucked on my birthday but looks like that isnt gonna happen. I have been extremely sexually frustrated and touch starved, this just compounds onto it. Im not sure how to release this frustration and stress without excessive masturbation but its really annoying. Maybe get a fleshlight? Regardless, when something is this difficult, that tells me i shouldnt be trying to do it. Im not sure if its possible to turn this frustration into motivation to improve and maybe find a girl who will cuddle with me and want to have sex with me but if this is some abstract sign from a higher power, it should know these things arent available to me. Its not possible to me. Im not sure what to do because im not sure how to live the life that its apparently telling me to.