Regardless of how much I complain about being single and feeling hopeless about meeting anyone, which as I've gotten older has been less and less, now almost never, worst I do is say online dating sucks. People know and feel the need to show their superiority in terms of them having normal dating experience and me having none. Years ago someone who was supposed to be a friend sent me a picture/video on Snapchat of his girlfriend sucking his dick. I didn't ask for any weird shit like that to be sent to me, but knowing him I could tell it was just for the sake of saying "You don't get any sex and I do and you're a loser". Other people have just sent me a picture of themselves in some situation where I feel they're trying to convey to me that they're in or about to be in some sort of romantic/intimate situation, just to show me that they're with someone and I'm not. There's never any text, just the picture 20 minutes ago it happened again. Girl I dated 3+1/2 years ago, it never went anywhere, but we stayed friends which is nice. She's been seeing this guy who's a complete jerk (go figure) and he just randomly sent me a Snapchat through HER phone with him lying in her bed giving a peace sign with his fingers. I find that a really weird thing to do, I only met the guy once and I'm sure he could tell that I'm a quiet unassertive loser, but I get the feeling he knows I also (still) like her a bit and just wants to show me that she sees him as better, thus me = worse.
Why do people treat me this way? I have never done anything wrong to anyone. I have grown up being bullied, left out, told how weird and crap I am in every way. Peers, even those who were supposed to be friends have told me since school that I'm ugly and they're not, said that nobody would ever have sex with or go out with me, just came up to me and said it out of nowhere while I was minding my own business. I never retaliated. I took it in my stride and walked away, maybe gave them the finger and tried to be the bigger man or whatever and FOR WHAT!? THIS SHIT IS STILL HAPPENING TO ME AT NEARLY 30. I have the right mind to just commit suicide and write a suicide note blaming it on everyone who ever wronged me for no reason. WHY was I born to experience such torment??? There is no god. I can't take this any more. To add insult to injury in 2017 I was diagnosed with brain cancer, "lucky me" survived because I caught it early, but the same type of brain tumour killed my dad when I was 4. He was only mid 40's. Life was hell growing up. 2 older brother's I was scared of because they were drug/alcoholics. Cops used to raid the house coz one of my brothers was a fuckwit who couldn't go a night without doing something illegal. My mum went back to work but wasn't earning much so we were quite poor most of the time. I see no future for myself if I can't live with my mum any more, she's getting old, we kind of look after each other.