r/ForeverAlone Jun 15 '21

Just experienced one of my most downbad moments ever

Recently I was planning on hanging out with a girl that I’ve gotten to know recently. She actually proposed it, which is a first. Through my years of knowing her she came off as a pretty exceptional person. We had some great conversations together, and she genuinely seemed really receptive to my more goofy lightheaded disposition. Needles to say, I was really excited to get to do something with her. We had planned to go to a really neat experience that required some tickets for entry. They were somewhat pricey so I offered to pay for us both beforehand. She never proposed that idea, but after some assurance that I was more than happy to levy the cost she seemed happy with it. Well, I send the money to go and don’t hear back from her for a bit. Admittedly this was around finals and things were busy so I chalked it up to that.

Well, I messaged her once or twice about it, each time we’d set up more of the specifics for us to hang out. But not much more than that. After all, she was on vacation with family, and obviously stuff like that would take precedent. Still, she was very nice for the many many times I interacted with her at school, so I honestly I didn’t think much of it. All until just last night. Where she posted a thing to her story of her going to the event…. With another dude. Jesus man. Now that’s fucking ice cold. I mean how much of a repulsive freak do I have to be to go to that level to subvert hanging out with me. I just wanted someone to hang out with, for once.

What the fuck is wrong with me

483 Upvotes

213

u/KarmaChameleonian Aye brah just take a shower it'll make you feel better Jun 15 '21

Sorry that happened to you. Don't ever send anyone money.

EVER.

76

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

Lesson learned

55

u/buckyspunisher Jun 16 '21

yeah, just buy the tickets yourself. that way if they wanna experience the event they have to go with you or you can use the tickets for yourself and a friend

10

u/drunk-spirit Jun 16 '21

"a friend"

16

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

[deleted]

91

u/Silenceduck Jun 16 '21

You didn't do anything wrong. She is the one at fault. No matter what, just because you think she is more attractive doesn't mean she is anymore in the right then you are. You might feel like you lost out on this one. But imo, you gained a lot more then you see right now.

47

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I just feel terrible honestly. Trying to move past it myself. All I feel I gained is a much lower self esteem

15

u/Silenceduck Jun 16 '21

That only makes you more human then she is. It's not gonna be easy for you right now, but that just shows you have more of a heart then she does. Don't doubt your self yet. Give it time and try to keep busy for now.

12

u/edgeofverge Jun 16 '21

If I were you I would text her and ask her why she did that to you. Tell her - I thought we were friends. She owes you an explanation. If you stand up for yourself you will recover your self esteem. She's an asshole. Don't let her get away with that. You are in charge of protecting your self esteem. You sound like a great guy that trusted some girl that took advantage of you. See what she has to say. Put her on the spot. You will feel so much better.

15

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I mean, what explanation would she be able to provide. There exists no reasonable means to justify those actions. I chose not to allow her a moment of my time and simply blocked and moved on. It makes me sick the thought of having to interact with her again.

9

u/edgeofverge Jun 16 '21

Well I guess you will never know because you are letting her get away with this. If someone did that to me I would confront them and say " wtf is wrong with you! I was so nice to you! Who acts like that?" Let her own it. Stand up for yourself. You may not get complete satisfaction, you may not even get an answer but you will keep your dignity and feel good for saying something . You deserve to be treated with respect.

10

u/xxthegoldenonesxx Jun 16 '21

Blocking says more to an words could. Confronting her almost makes a person look pathetic and hurt. Blocking is a better way to show you don't care. Silence speaks volumes.

0

u/Luxor144 Jun 16 '21

Nah, I don't think silence, which might seem as stoic and mature option, is the correct course of action in this situation. I imagine that their relationship isn't much deeper than acquaintanceship, so completely cutting off ties with OP might not be a very big deal for her. If we were talking about a gf who cheated on him, then yes - cutting her off cold would be quite a severe gesture.

This asshat here not only broke my boy's trust, but also basically stole his money. Letting her get off without even saying a word is just letting yourself be the sucker in this situation. To be honest, I would also try talking to the dude she went with - OP could warn him about what a great person that girl is, maybe even become friends (provided he ain't a douche)

1

u/xxthegoldenonesxx Jun 16 '21

But going back and complaining to her how messed up it was will only make her see you as pathetic, weak, and will likely laugh at him. I'm not saying what she sees matters but come now, some dignity?

15

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. But I feel the phrase “I was so nice to you” implies a level of expectancy. Like if I’m nice to someone they’ll be nice back. Which is never guaranteed as I’ve learned this night

8

u/edgeofverge Jun 16 '21

Well there kind of IS a level of expectancy. You were nice and decent to her and it's perfectly acceptable to expect her to be decent back. It's disappointing when you put yourself out there and the people you thought you could trust - act like shit. Don't take it out on yourself. Lesson learned. The world is full of idiots. Try to avoid as many as possible... and most of all be kind to yourself.

1

u/coldclover Jun 16 '21

You’re completely right. She doesn’t owe you anything but what she did was still fucked. Ask for your money back.

1

u/RainyPathGoat Jun 19 '21

This may sound vindictive, but she deserves to be shamed. Tell all her friends, heck, post it on her Facebook page. Fuck that bitch.

6

u/buckyspunisher Jun 16 '21

don’t let it affect your self esteem! in your lifetime you are bound to run into assholes. it’s just probability based on the abundant number of assholes out there. she just happened to be one of them. you’ll also meet plenty of nice genuine people!

6

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I have confidence I will. Changing my living situation soon. Hopefully that will bring about the change

54

u/The_Real_Raw_Gary Jun 15 '21

Damn dude thats really cold. If you don’t mind me asking I am curious what the event was but no biggie if you don’t want to share. Feel better dude.

24

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

It was a convention focused on something that we were both into. I was so excited man. Fuck

13

u/xxthegoldenonesxx Jun 16 '21

So you sent her money so she could buy the tickets? Why didn't you buy them yourself?

23

u/duksinarw Jun 15 '21

I'm really sorry man. That's hard. Wishing you the best.

10

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

Thank you, my friend

100

u/bigtwobyfour Jun 15 '21

I would send her a message and call her out on it. Don’t be extremely rude or aggressive, but just ask her why she couldn't just say something to you. After she explains "her side" (there is no excuse for what she did btw) just block her and never speak to her again.

82

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I just blocked her. Isn’t deserving of my time

69

u/KarmaChameleonian Aye brah just take a shower it'll make you feel better Jun 15 '21

No point. She's going to avoid the "confrontation" of owning up to it and having to answer to her actions. There is a very good chance she won't reply at all.

2

u/Broad-Literature-438 Jun 16 '21

Youd be taking the high road tho imho if you just sent her something short like "hey, it was real nice of you to give me a heads up that your plans changed for ____ (said event) after I went to the trouble to buy you your ticket... btw lose this number, consider yourself blocked"

2

u/KarmaChameleonian Aye brah just take a shower it'll make you feel better Jun 16 '21

no, that makes you come off as annoyed

54

u/trianuddah Jun 16 '21

What the fuck is wrong with me

You trusted someone.

Also you convinced yourself that she might like you.

Some people might call that cynical, but you notice a trend about the people who say that. They're all likeable, and at least moderately attractive. For some people, "putting trust out there and risking getting hurt" is a valid approach. It doesn't work for everyone, though.

Some people will never get to experience what it's like to love someone who loves them back, and for those people trust is a risk that yields no reward.

27

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I still have hope in myself, that one day I can find that person. Still, that doesn’t mean that I throw my trust around to anyone. I had every reason to be trusting of this individual. I just can’t fathom how someone can be so cold…

6

u/buckyspunisher Jun 16 '21

not everyones an asshole though! there are genuine people out there

3

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

Oh totally. Hopefully I can find some

4

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

[deleted]

3

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

School

8

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

[deleted]

2

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I did it as what I thought would be a well received friendly gesture as we had a concrete idea of what to do in the hangout. She never pushed me or even suggested I pay. But I didn’t want her to have to put that cash forward since the specific activity was one that I had proposed.

10

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

[deleted]

7

u/CEO_of_dankmemes Jun 16 '21

Mistakes happen, he has learned his lesson.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21 edited Jun 16 '21

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

didn't she like literally steal his money? if he gave it to her with the understanding it was for them to go together. The only mistake I see here is not seeing her for who she is before sending money

15

u/ThePassengerCL Jun 16 '21

Doesn't sound like anything is wrong with you, that was one of the most shitty things anyone could do. if she would do that, you dodged a bullet brother.

7

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

Yea evidently. Crazy how someone can just switch up on you like that

13

u/Michaelgunner Jun 16 '21

Come on man, i'm sorry, but, you know you were really naive to send money.

Now you learnt the lesson, don't worry, shit happens, don't spend time thinking on was happen.

You surely will meet someone very nice to hang out soon.

Now have some selfrespect and block her from all places

9

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I did my guy. Thanks for the advice. Lesson learned… the hard way. Never again. I’ll find my people

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

how is that naive? is he supposed to assume everyone is awful? sounds like she went out of her way to screw him over

10

u/DunTuchMaFud Jun 16 '21

Sending someone else money to buy tickets is kinda naive. If you're expecting to go together, especially in some kind of dating capacity, it makes way more sense to buy two tickets yourself and offer her one.

The worst that could have happened in that scenario is she rejects her ticket because she doesn't actually want to go with you. The worst that can happen in the scenario he chose is... well, what happened.

6

u/some_chinese_guy who-the-f-cares-sexual Jun 16 '21

is he supposed to assume everyone is awful?

Yes.

8

u/Strawberry3525_ Jun 16 '21

That was extremely rude of her… nothing wrong on with you

3

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I really hope there’s nothing wrong with me…. I feel like part of the reason she avoided was because I am weird or something. Idk

1

u/btc185 Jun 16 '21

rude is an understatement. she is a very toxic person and she saved you a lot of time in figuring it out (but not money sadly)

9

u/_-Yharim Jun 16 '21

I had an experience like this. I gave a girl who was my best friend for five years a present of gratitude for her being there for me.

She then falsely reported me for sexual harassment. High school, yep. Of course I didn’t get in any shit since I didn’t do that but she got off without any repercussions which makes my blood boil. I hate people.

3

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

Christ man. What made her inclined to do that

5

u/_-Yharim Jun 16 '21

I have no clue. She never did anything like that before, so I’ve just given up if I’m really so unattractive that people will make up fake sexual assault claims against me.

1

u/xxthegoldenonesxx Jun 16 '21

Doubt it's that. Can't blame everything on your looks.

5

u/suicidal_fatfuck Jun 16 '21

Fuck that bitch fr. Man I got no words to console you I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. Just know that it's not your fault that you chose to trust someone.

2

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

That’s what I tell myself. Thank you for the support

5

u/LukaCrush3r96 Jun 16 '21

See, this is why I refuse to trust anyone. Trusting someone on a more intimate level is a sign of weakness people are ready to and will exploit you for.

5

u/Narwien Jun 16 '21

Pretty much this. This is a lesson you learn in a very painful, hard way. People, especially more attractive people will dismiss you in a heartbeat if something better comes along. Very difficult not to be bitter about it, but you can't be all things to all people all the time.

We live in a very superficial society, and if the girl even remotely senses she can do better than you, she is gone. Gotta keep up that toxic positivity, pretend you don't give a fuck just enough she doesn't lose interest, pretend you are busy, or barely have time to text her.

It's just mindgames. Never show your weakness to people, deal with it on your own or with people you trust.

Be emotionally unavailable as much as you can. Even if you like somebody, be unavailable as much as you can. It just smoke and mirrors, but girls literally judge your value by how much you are desired by other women. It's just how they are wired.

No matter how shitty you feel, how lonely you are, how bad it is, people do not give a shit, they have no emphaty or understanding, nor they are capable of putting themselves in other people's shoes

Learn not to give a fuck in life, and never reveal too much about yourself. Ever.

13

u/asosasaugust Jun 16 '21

Fuck that girl, you dodged a bullet there, makes me angry just thinking about anyone doing that

4

u/CartographerAny9546 Jun 16 '21 edited Jun 16 '21

This! He dodged more than a bullet, a torpedo I'd say

5

u/jordanysghost Jun 16 '21

It's kind of difficult to draw some meaningful conclusion from what you shared.

But based on what you said it has nothing to do with you. Poeple are like that, including yourself you likely never mentioned you had the intention for it to scale sentimentality.

It seems like you planned that with much anticipation and went on and paid for everything and there you open yourself to the possibility.

Once I found myself chatting a lot with this girl then I decided to ask for her number right after I messaged her she blocked me, after that i just exchanged pleasantries with her.

In other ocation I asked a girl out and she looks around and starts telling that right now is not good for her, right there I interrupt her and said that if it's not good for her it's no good for me either. After that she wanted to hangout mere with me but I lost interest.

Placing hopes in exchanges it's only going to make you feel like that. Try to scale things as quickly as you can and move on.

7

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I think you are misinterpreting this. I was never trying to pick her up or hyper escalate anything. I just wanted a nice person to hang out with for a day. I knew her for over a year irl so I had ample reason to trust. But I’ve learned my lesson. No more paying for things in advance

4

u/ShalevDaBoss Jun 16 '21

Was it someone online or someone you know in person @.

5

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

In person. Knew her for a year +. Talked to her a ton irl and online.

4

u/mbenzito25 Jun 16 '21

Ugh I died inside a little bit reading this. So sorry.

5

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

As did I experiencing it. Thank you for the sentiment friend

2

u/mbenzito25 Jun 16 '21

I guess one takeaway is don't send money beforehand to anyone.

3

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

Absolutely

4

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

who does that? wtf

9

u/randomentity1 over 40, Asian, never had a gf Jun 16 '21

That is theft. You probably sent the money thru Venmo or something similar right? You have that e-receipt. Then take screenshots of your unanswered messages, along with her post saying she went with another dude. Then file a police report.

4

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

Its only like $120 lost. Not worth that much effort to retrieve of it.

16

u/bigwilly39 25M, irrelevant username Jun 16 '21

Honestly, I'd try to get it back. Not for the dollar value, but the principle (though 120 isn't a small amount for a lot of people). There's no future between you two so might as well go scorched earth.

3

u/Medium-Parfait7768 Jun 16 '21

Nothing. There is nothing wrong with you at all that girl just wants to act like jack frost

5

u/SEE_YOU_CONDE Jun 16 '21

Sincerely, you should message her something like this:

"Yeah girl, I thought we were friends, I trusted you then you did this, I hope you get to be someone better someday. Bye."

This will not make you look weak, this will not make you look rude, this will be perceived in only two ways: she will ignore it or she will feel bad about it.

At least lesson learned.

3

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I don’t want to be rude. Just want to move past the situation. Maybe vent a little idk. But not to her

11

u/l339 Jun 16 '21

I don’t get how you have the audacity to call yourself rude after the stunt she’s pulled. Honestly mate, stand up for yourself! Might be even part of the reason why she pulled it

3

u/xxthegoldenonesxx Jun 16 '21

Exactly. She did this and OP asks "what's wrong with me?"...what? Needs a spine and some self-respect. Maybe it was a post for validation. By blaming himself, he hoped the comments would explain why he was wrong. Blame her, not yourself. Cmon

5

u/SEE_YOU_CONDE Jun 16 '21

In my opinion, a lot of spoiled/rude people keep being that way because no one actually get up and confronts them, but I understand you.

2

u/TheJEBSProductions Jun 16 '21

Lesson learned, knowledge earned

The social media will fuck with your mind, let go if possible

God speed brother

2

u/Lorytm Jun 16 '21

So sorry this happened to you... sadly people don't really care about other's kindness and just use people like us how they want knowing that we will not be on their list of people to feel sorry with...

And this reminds me a phrase of a video sent me by a friend: "It's not your fault mom, you raised a good kid. The world turned me into a fucking cold and heartless person"... and sadly the only thing we can do to prevent this most of the times is be like that and only act when we are SURE of something, even if it is really difficult

2

u/BehemothSteax Jun 16 '21

That's so horrible that she would do that to you man sorry to hear that. Be thankful that she showed her true colors now and not later on down the line.

2

u/Entire_Claim_5273 Jun 16 '21

Sorry that happened to you. Also hopefully you've learnt to not offer to give money to someone unless you're 100% sure they'll pay back or you're actually dating them.

2

u/nonemorered Jun 17 '21

I'm sorry that girl is a piece of shit. Not all of us are.

1

u/xrre Jun 17 '21

I do not, in any capacity, harbor that belief. Most of you are lovely :)

2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

[deleted]

6

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I’ve actually made some really killer friends recently. Hopefully that will work to pull me away from this… mess

3

u/xxthegoldenonesxx Jun 16 '21

He sent her the money so she could buy tickets. Idk why, but he lost the money/tickets to her and her guy.

1

u/SSPrimeYT Jun 16 '21

Well someone learnt the hard way that never trust anyone

8

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I would personally avoid to adopt such a sardonic take. Wouldn’t want one jerk ruining my entire outlook on life

-2

u/SSPrimeYT Jun 16 '21

Your life your way nothing to do it with me

3

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

Fair enough

-13

u/Lotus_82 Jun 15 '21

No offense but you kinda lost your credibility and your appeal when you sent her money and kept calling her trying to hang out and not get the very very obvious hints that she isn’t interested. Girls hate that simp attitude, it’s super unattractive and a huge turnoff because it shows that you’re not confident enough to tell her from the get-go that you’re interested in getting to know her and take her out on a date.

22

u/if33lnothing Jun 15 '21

Lmao what? Nah B, this girl is just a bitch (from the information that we know, idk her side). She showed interest and then stopped, why wouldn't OP check up on her to see what's up?

-5

u/Lotus_82 Jun 16 '21

It’s more the fact that he kept “checking up” even though she kept giving him excuses why she couldn’t see him. He should have stopped calling after the first time she said she couldn’t see him and waited for her to call. The fact he kept calling made him look needy and annoying.

12

u/xrre Jun 16 '21

I never bombarded her in any manner. I texted her 2 times, weeks apart. I knew her for well over a year man. I had every reason to be trusting. A simp is someone who buys things for and idolizes an individual with the specific purpose of getting with them. Those were never my intentions. I just wanted someone to hang out with

8

u/heckermenn doomed :') Jun 15 '21

she was the one who proposed it according to OP

2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

[deleted]

2

u/Lotus_82 Jun 16 '21

Are you 13 years old?

1

u/philospherrobot Jun 16 '21

Demand your money back imo

1

u/YouKnow-TheFarmer Jun 16 '21

fuck her, you dodged a bullet king

1

u/imrickgrimesbeeuutch Jun 16 '21

That can and does happen to anyone. It's actually pretty common. One thing about relationships and connections and socializing; it can and does get ugly. Sometimes, VERY ugly. It all depends on the people. Unfortunately all we can do in situations like that is walk away enlightened about that particular person and move on. Dust it off, bro. It happens to the best of them.

1

u/AlexisLovesDavid Jun 20 '21

I’m so sorry. She sounds like a gross person. Also, sad to say but next time anything like this happens you buy the stuff and they can either come with you or be left in the dust.

1

u/Passion4MMA 22d ago

Dear OP,

I know I am late to this party, but...

  1. Fuck this egomaniacal bitch. Fight the urge to go for the super attractive, narcissistic girls. They are the worst to date, to marry, to have your children, and they're even worse in bed!
  2. One of the sexiest things about a man to most women is confidence. Discover your strengths and lean into those. You don't have to be a douche bag to be confident.
  3. Stand your ground. You should have posted "hope you and the meat head had a fun night out on me" on her account, or confronted her in class. Give some people an inch and they'll take a mile. Don't be a door mat.
  4. Stop looking. You don't need a girl, or guy, to be happy. Companionship, maybe yes. But you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. You will NEVER have a successful relationship if you are not first happy with yourself.
  5. Don't give up hope. There is someone out there for you. And you might just discover her in the most unexpected scenario. People aren't really meeting their spouses in college anymore. Just have fun and focus on YOU. You can worry about all that serious stuff later.

Regards,

A Boomer with a Fuck Ton of Experience

P.S. Never send money, unless she's your gf.

2

u/xrre 11d ago

Thank you for the advice my friend. I have learned many lessons from this negative experience and as I ruminate on it further I can clearly see the error of my ways. I understand that confidence is a very desirable trait. But I absolutely struggle to manifest it. As a nerdy, scrawny thing I’ve never been looked up as even remotely desirable by women. I understand the sentiment, that this simply doesn’t matter in the long run. But certainly does it wear on me over time.

Recently I spoke with a family member, just a normal catch-up conversation. We actually hadn’t conversed in years. They in a matter of minutes could discern that I had a very low self esteem. I can’t fathom what they and everyone else are seeing. I suppose I just emanate that disgusting undesirable feeling.

I am working to fix this, currently pursuing my dreams of higher education in STEM, as well as lifting weights for the first time in ever. Hopefully these newfound things in my life will help to garner a greater self esteem. Only time will tell, I suppose.

I apologize for what is likely a mostly incoherent and unrelated rambling. But I thank you for the advice

-2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

[removed]

3

u/DudeTheObscure1234 Jun 16 '21

Why is it the guys with the most minimal interaction with women always the experts? It's so bizarre how you insist on speaking for them. It's also a gross generalization and a silly one at that.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

[removed]

3

u/DudeTheObscure1234 Jun 16 '21

And you go around telling them about their amoral nature, right? That must be a fun conversation, I can see you being a hit with that intimate knowledge about their own lives. LOL

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

[removed]

1

u/Takei_Me Ohh my.. Jun 16 '21

Rule 3

1

u/Inquirer89 Jun 16 '21

okay, I'm sorry.