r/AskReddit 29d ago

How do you tell another male discreetly that his zipper is open?

321 Upvotes

648

u/DUBIOUS_OBLIVION 29d ago

"Fly is down, bro"

Nobody gives a fuck if you tell them. It's NOT telling them that sucks.

92

u/Large-Yogurtcloset97 29d ago

yep this is the right one

why is there basically no reply other than gay sex

3

u/Skelly_is_king 28d ago

Bc im hoping telling my homies that their flys down is gonna get my railed some day.

6

u/Diggy2345 29d ago

Cuz we horny ok

8

u/munkijunk 29d ago

Goes for everything. "You've something on your face" is much more preferable to chatting away to someone for an hour and then going to the bathroom and seeing you look like you're blacking up, or you have a small forest in your teeth..never be shy about it.

3

u/Office_glen 29d ago

seriously man. I remember one day at work I blew my nose and felt a boogie come out. There was nothing in the tissue so I wiped my face a bunch, nothing , nothing in the beard, good to go.

I spent all day talking to people, customers etc and when i got in my car I saw in the rear view mirror that the boogie took a turn at Albuquerque and ended up sitting on the bridge of my nose

All day any not one fucking person said 'bro you got a boogie on your nose"

for fucks sake people

3

u/Additional_Meeting_2 29d ago

Is it the same if you are a woman telling a guy?

28

u/MaxMouseOCX 29d ago

As a guy I don't give a shit who tells me, male or female, or how much they know me - the important part is you tell me, I say thanks, then fix it and we go about our day.

4

u/HorsNoises 29d ago

For me I wouldn't care but I could see a desperate guy getting excited thinking a girl is looking at his dong.

5

u/GoodLordShowMeTheWay 29d ago

If I were a woman I would never talk to a stranger about this, for obvious reasons.

In other words the only people I would talk to would be people that are close enough that my wording wouldn’t matter.

To be honest the above is true even as a guy.

10

u/1nquiringMinds 29d ago

I'm a woman, I'll tell anyone their fly is down or they have something in their teeth.

1

u/IrrelevantPuppy 29d ago

As a guy I am perfectly comfortable discreetly and casually telling a Freind or acquaintance that their makeup is smudged. But I would never do that to a stranger, feels presumptuous or something.

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3

u/bigdumbhead1990 28d ago

Yeah, easy. Or a “dude” and point towards the junk. This is a non-issue

9

u/DrPCox85 29d ago

I mean why do you need a code word for that. Just let a bro know. We all had it happen.

436

u/De-Nomolos 29d ago

"XYZ" was the standard when I was was growing up.

189

u/watchingsongsDL 29d ago

eXamine Your Zipper

92

u/LorenaBobbedIt 29d ago

I was from a rural area and we said “your barn door’s open”.

27

u/FatherGreatNGlorious 29d ago

Where I'm from we say "your horses are running away".

19

u/Icy-Independence3621 29d ago

....cows gonna come out..

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9

u/Stuvio 29d ago

We say ‘the birdcage’s open and the bird is gone’

36

u/dalai69lmao 29d ago

In India.. we just say "your post office is open"

13

u/chick_nmomo96 29d ago

damn ur username😻

4

u/dalai69lmao 29d ago

ik. lets be friends coz i dont have any =)

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5

u/RubendeBursa 29d ago

Similar to where, I live, where you're supposed to say "your shop is open"

3

u/MehtefaS 29d ago

In Denmark we say tivoli is open

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56

u/bagpiper 29d ago

"XYZ PDQ"

18

u/parkerlambert 29d ago

what does the PDQ stand for?

38

u/WillowWeird 29d ago

Pretty damn quick

115

u/TwoDrinkDave 29d ago

Penis dangling quietly

13

u/[deleted] 29d ago

[deleted]

7

u/thenorsewind 29d ago

The only one in my state closed down :(

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8

u/VR6SLC 29d ago

It was the standard for me as well. I always knew it meant your fly was open. It wasn't until my mid-twenties when I learned it stood for eXamine Your Zipper.

7

u/OozeNAahz 29d ago

XYZ PDQ

6

u/TheJadedSF 29d ago

Totally forgot about this

3

u/Your-username-must-b 29d ago

For me it was XYZ PDQ

eXamine Your Zipper

Pretty Damn Quick

3

u/Pmacandcheeze 29d ago

This is the way

6

u/Notjustnow 29d ago

XYZ PDQ

2

u/violatah 29d ago

Beat me to it

2

u/Buffasippi 29d ago

We threw in a PDQ for pretty damn quick

2

u/Grump_Monk 29d ago

We would say "K-marts open"

2

u/yaninho88 29d ago

…then comes the turnaround to put the zipper back up. Question is, why do we feel the need to hide the fact we are pulling up our zipper?

376

u/Sco42Ho 29d ago

Tell them “I use to think you were crazy but now I can clearly see your nuts”

74

u/Whole_In_The_Wall 29d ago

This response was so funny. I laughed so loud I think my neighbors heard me all the way in the next county.

22

u/Salty-Mission 29d ago

This joke is from Austin Powers Goldmember. If you thought the comment was funny, you should def watch that movie lol

7

u/goteamnick 29d ago

It's in that movie, but it's not from that movie. It's an old joke.

4

u/chick_nmomo96 29d ago

stop laughing so loud dumbass i can hear u all the way to india

5

u/sglstudios 29d ago

Lmao I didn’t laugh at what you laughed at but instead I laughed at what you wrote. Those be the best laughs

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2

u/[deleted] 29d ago

Are they not wearing underwear?

1

u/[deleted] 29d ago

[deleted]

2

u/janemp1900 29d ago

Not just now.

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68

u/CompletelyFlammable 29d ago

"Are you challenging me?!"

Unzip your own fly and start making angry horse noises and thrusting at him.

10

u/that_one_random_simp 29d ago

The one true way to assert dominance

8

u/loudmime27 29d ago

or lightsaber noises

447

u/sir-robins-minstrel 29d ago

Just go ahead and close it for him

137

u/pineconez4breakfast 29d ago

I walk around unzipped hoping for this.

23

u/windermere_peaks 29d ago

You walk around with your fly down hoping someone will come in close and zip it up for you?

Sure would be a shame if you came to the city I live in...or the place I work...or, god forbid, my house...

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7

u/sapphireaurora853 29d ago

i want to upvote your comment but i dont wanna ruin the 69 upvote count

14

u/Large-Yogurtcloset97 29d ago

what the fuck

oh wait it's a joke

19

u/TheePigeon 29d ago

Is it?

18

u/DrPCox85 29d ago

Any good joke is based on truth.

24

u/seabassseabreeze 29d ago

Whoa. That would be weird. Unless you give em a crisp slap on the shoulder while making eye contact after. Then it's fine obviously.

26

u/Just1morefix 29d ago

With your teeth.

20

u/Herogamer555 29d ago

While maintaining eye contact. And moan a little when you reach the top.

3

u/KentuckyFriedEel 29d ago

then kiss his forehead after?

6

u/Whole_In_The_Wall 29d ago

If it was in a secluded type of place, I probably would have. Unfortunately, I was standing on a public train platform.

3

u/DummykiddoMan 29d ago

You would have sabed him from the embarrassment

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123

u/buttsmacks_anonymous 29d ago

"Nice dick bro"

18

u/insane__knight 29d ago

Dope dick playa.

16

u/LapisCarrot 29d ago

Nice cock, bro!

3

u/Ragingbull444 29d ago

Mighty gnarly lookin pork and beans there homeslice

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42

u/iipoison1 29d ago

I would just Nod towards his groin area.

16

u/Whole_In_The_Wall 29d ago

He was on his phone. I was really trying hard to get his attention.

72

u/BezerkMushroom 29d ago

Pop your finger through the gap, give it a wiggle and say "Yoo-hoo!" and that should get their attention

8

u/Ragingbull444 29d ago

I imagine it getting stuck inside like a Chinese finger trap

10

u/LotsOfLogan49 29d ago

nods aggressively

3

u/obscureferences 29d ago

A short quiet upward whistle.

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39

u/turbulent_toad 29d ago

I have cousins from Pittsburgh and they would ask, "Is Kennywood open?"

Kennywood is a theme park. Lol wood. I'm not sure how the idiom was born.

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83

u/digital_treesloth 29d ago

"You're flyin' low."

4

u/wiggaroo 29d ago

Without a licence

78

u/RareAnimal82 29d ago

You walk up and zip it for him like a gentleman

16

u/elijahsmith2006 29d ago

Well if you go by traditional standards, you have too take a knee and gesture as if you were proposing to them as you did it.

24

u/RareAnimal82 29d ago

No, that would make a scene, if you casually walk up and block other's view so you can stare in their eyes intently as you zip it up it is way more fun for me

7

u/elijahsmith2006 29d ago

I like your style!

5

u/wheatgrasstransplant 29d ago

Keep eye contact too

68

u/Beelanket 29d ago

Ask him what has 86 teeth and only 1 eye....then point and scream and run away.

8

u/Witness_me_Karsa 29d ago

I've never heard this. The teeth being those of the zipper and the eye being that of the one eyed wonder worm?

8

u/Beelanket 29d ago

That's it, the Cyclops-yogurt throwing beast that lives behind the veils of Underrvear. Tremble before his gaze and flee from his wrath.

5

u/fatsmumma86 29d ago

Dying lol

18

u/AardvarkAndy 29d ago

“This is no place for a baby elephant walk.”

16

u/aN4-r3W 29d ago

Pssst ....

Ziiip (noise)

2

u/wantmiracles 29d ago

Haha that’s actually what I would do

46

u/Goshujin__sama 29d ago

Zip it up from him, but do it from behind so that there's no eye contact. Discreet and tasteful.

10

u/Stuvio 29d ago

This is the way

13

u/tplgigo 29d ago

"You're flyin' low".

14

u/inverse-pie 29d ago

Idk, but this one time I just came back to the bathroom, my crush was also following behind me because she went to the bathroom too, when I came back, the dude who sat next to me said “hey, I know you’re a ladies man, but you don’t need to flex on us” he says as he points towards my zipper

14

u/raithypoo52 29d ago

Cows outa the barn

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12

u/BArhino 29d ago

in the military we'd say "you left your ejection port open"

otherwise I usually just make it super uncomfortable and ask how their last piss was

5

u/MrYeeterson437 28d ago

you left your erection port open

sorry

54

u/YeetMaster_1000 29d ago

"hey dumbass your zippers open" quietly

11

u/pdxblazer 29d ago

"Bro your zipper"

When no one else is listening

Or just start massaging your own junk and make eye contact with him until he realizes what is going on

Also a move for when no one is around

11

u/Popping_Johnnie 29d ago

Hey,. Barn doors open

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10

u/Briznar 29d ago

Kennywood is Open (used in Pittsburgh PA USA)

24

u/Stacked_Latina_MILF 29d ago

Do you have a license to sell hot dogs?

8

u/jfb3 29d ago

"Pssst, your zipper is down."

27

u/Improvedandconfused 29d ago

“Don’t you think Mr Python has had enough oxygen for one day?”.

6

u/MauPow 29d ago

Feelin' breezy down there?

7

u/AmbivalentEnthusiast 29d ago

The cucumber has left the salad.

5

u/ZorroMeansFox 29d ago

"Have you ever seen the Ken Russell film The Lair of The White Worm?"

5

u/yve1953 29d ago

We used to say XYZ. Examine your zipper.

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5

u/Miketired 29d ago

" Hey buddy, your birds about to leave the nest", I think says it all in a humorous way.

5

u/Mishalaurie 29d ago

Put the mouse back in the house

2

u/Niniva73 29d ago

Gunther.

2

u/Had_to_respon1 29d ago

I was looking for this. Gunther was such a great character.

13

u/Big-Bluejay9558 29d ago

Hey buddy, your pecker’s fallin’ out.

11

u/joebama13 29d ago

point to the area of the zipper on yourself

19

u/Mini-Heart-Attack 29d ago

That just looks like you’re asking for a sexual favor.. or just being a creep.

8

u/joebama13 29d ago

Good point

2

u/loudmime27 29d ago

you can also mime zipping it up

4

u/Mellowtexan13 29d ago

Ask him if he is trying to air it out

3

u/court_sporttt 29d ago

Psst. Zip zip

3

u/victoriaqian1234 29d ago

Discretely steer the topic of conversation to be about the subject of people in general having their zipper open, and talk very intensely about this and encourage others to do so as well. People will start thinking about the concept of zippers being open and then will check their own zippers, and close it if they realize it is open.

4

u/Iconoclast123 29d ago

Was on the subway and saw a verry fashionable looking dude standing up and noticed his zipper was down. Right before getting off, I slipped him a tiny note that just said 'XYZ, nothing was visible' and got off.

4

u/DoctorNerdly 29d ago

You say "Your fly is down."

They go "Ope, thanks"

They then turn away to zip up in an weird hunchy manner that makes it look worse than just immediately zipping up.

End.

3

u/NovusXXIII 29d ago

HARAMBE, CODE HARAMBE

3

u/Comrade_Mossball 29d ago

Garage door's open

3

u/Gear_Monster 29d ago

has anyone answered

"Hey dude, your fly is open"

3

u/I-refrence-your-mom 29d ago

Ok this isn’t advice. This is just an awkward situation.

I was picking up my son from school. The parents stand in line and wait till their kid’s name is called.

I noticed a lot of the Moms were checking me out. This made my ego bigger than a hot air balloon. I thought, “Damn I’m on point today.” I was just basking in it for a solid 7 minutes. Feeling like an Alpha surrounded by ladies eager to fight over me.

My son walks out and says, “Dad, I see see your bananas.” Not joking at all. My wife bought me a pair of Saxx underwear with cherries and bananas on them.

We hustled to the car.

3

u/Gerb_the_Barbarian 29d ago

"Hey buddy, this is a family restaurant...put the mouse back in the house."

3

u/GrandMasterJamJam 29d ago

Stare at you until you notice.

Wink Wink Wink
Glance glance glance

Upon realization of your vulnerable state, begin signing (or fake it), then abruptly pull out my pen and paper, and draw a biiiiiiiig penis before showing it to you.

You laugh.

I Offer a thumbs up accompanied by my customary shit-eating grin.

Proceed to eat pistachios while observing the passing scenery, patiently waiting to arrive at the destination. Occasionally I turn back to look at you, a memory of something important I can't quite recall attempting to remind me.

As the train arrives at the destination, begin to pack my belongings, and turning to you one last time with thoughts of a future about to be snatched away from the jaws of reality, the memories of a life I could have had with a person I could have loved for much longer wash away. Tears well up in my eyes and before this moment reaches it's final conclusion, I turn away from the fading image of you.

My sight grows dim, my breathing turns shallow.
I'm falling.

Lights, so many lights, and what's this.....red stuff surrounding me....

I stare at you for awhile, sitting in the seat I always preferred when we'd take the train home together. My attempts to quietly get your attention greeted me with a smile as you turned to regard me, I add an extra wink for effect and your face lights up, just like it did every day prior. I glance down, directing your vision towards the zipper left open. You zip up, and before your attention focuses elsewhere I catch you by surprise, holding the poorly drawn picture of a big penis before your eyes.

You laugh

and that's when your side of the trains passenger car lit up, more brightly than anything I'd ever witnessed before.....to cast the darkest of shadows. Eternity stolen by a moment.

A moment relived over and over again as hospital staff busily carried out their tasks nearby on what is now the first day of the 5th year spent on life support, motionless in bed.

Where did you go?

3

u/WomenTrucksAndJesus 29d ago

Dude your vag is showing...

3

u/AboveTheClooouds 29d ago

You: Are you afraid of heights?

Him: (will probably say) No

You: Well your zipper is.

3

u/valac-clara 29d ago

i just say "dude your fly is showing and i can see you dick" like i can't but i like being what i see

3

u/GuyFromAlomogordo 29d ago

"The barn door is open and the horse is about to get out."

3

u/safeword-is-harder 29d ago

"Open for business?"

3

u/ArcanumLuminarium 29d ago

"HEY! YOUR DICK IS HANGING OUT" shouts loudly

2

u/Mini-Heart-Attack 29d ago

Tap him and say i like your pants, they’re revealing

2

u/gohomepat 29d ago

hey bruh, *zipper motion near crotch*

I'm sure this won't get confused.

2

u/zurfey 29d ago

Round house kick

2

u/meow1983 29d ago

Quietly tell him “XYZ” examine your zipper. That is what I tell students.

2

u/MettaMorphosis 29d ago

Hit his crotch with a fly swatter.

2

u/KentoKeiHayama 29d ago

One word.

ZIPPER.

2

u/Gaxxag 29d ago

Unzip your own zipper in front of him

2

u/samaboi1 29d ago

Nice cock

2

u/Slinky_Neck_ 29d ago

Selling hotdogs?

2

u/Haboobalub 29d ago

Tell him he has a nice dick

2

u/Enjay73 29d ago

No need to say anything. Make eye contact, walk directly to him, and zip it up for him. Hold that eye contact!

2

u/HermannTeutoberg 29d ago

Write, “Your fly is down” backwards on his forehead so he sees it when he goes to the bathroom next.

2

u/TheCrimsonChariot 29d ago

I just tell them. Why is everyone so fucking fuzzy about it? Stop beating around the bush people.

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2

u/Muffjuggler1295 29d ago

XYZ PDQ! Examine your zipper, pretty damn quick!

2

u/LeekDowntown1509 29d ago

I usually just say "XYZ" because its like saying "Examine Your Zipper"

4

u/brian_m1982 29d ago edited 29d ago

"Good sir! You have most average looking penis I've ever seen. Or at least in the last 10 seconds."

Then stare at his groin

4

u/coopertucker 29d ago

"Hey, you're zipper is down".

2

u/GreenPotayoe 29d ago

"Oi cunt, knobs on show"

Aussie. Am allowed to call everyone this

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1

u/dinoking189 29d ago

Sign language. Hey zzzzzzp while making a zipper closing with my hands

1

u/DoubleBarrellRye 29d ago

What’s the speed limit in Mexico / Germany??

Fly wide open !!

1

u/Ubermassive 29d ago

"Dick is out, bro"

1

u/Anza305 29d ago

Go up to him, stand in front, look him in the eye, and calmly zip it up for him.

Otherwise you can just go and whisper it in his ear, or of it’s your friend, tell him out loud and watch him suffer instead.

1

u/Instant_Vintage-6783 29d ago

Does that snapping turtle bite

1

u/sarcasmis43v3r 29d ago

Dude your fly.

1

u/Silverstarmye 29d ago

I can see your dick

1

u/sfj99 29d ago

"sellin' hotdogs?"

1

u/sonicz3r0 29d ago

Yo XYZ man

1

u/mikebearpig13 29d ago

EH BRO YOUR FLIES DOWN!!!

1

u/SafewordisJohnCandy 29d ago

Barn door is open..... And leave it at that.

1

u/slamed123 29d ago

Barn doors opened on this hot day

1

u/WutWillisWasTalmBout 29d ago

Start blowin him

1

u/WildchildEm88 29d ago

Didn’t know we at an appointment

1

u/CaRTiAgENiUs 29d ago

Look at him then look at the zipper, then nod.

1

u/Time_Significance 29d ago

"Hey, your [popular department store in town] is open" is what me and my friends use.

1

u/[deleted] 29d ago

i slap it and say " zip it up before i act up"

1

u/Kabrallen 29d ago

Well, one time, in church, my dad kinda texted it to another guy. The gut is a cop, so he has a gun on him at all times and has been unofficially designated our congregation's protector. His gun was showing while he was sitting up on the stand, so my dad texted him that his weapon was showing, so the guy checks his fly. Wrong one.

1

u/dans5784 29d ago

Can you zip that up it's wofting over here

1

u/TheRhinoMonk 29d ago

Nice cock dude. They in their confusion look down to see I in fact can see their cock. I have saved them from themselves.

1

u/EmmaPemmaPooBear 29d ago

Hey mate the barns doors open

1

u/GeoBrian 29d ago

"The pod bay door is open, Hal".

Or an oldy but goody from the 1990's...

"Your fly is set to Monica instead of Hillary."

1

u/SweetnessBaby 29d ago

Meat market is open

1

u/tdrichards74 29d ago

Barn door’s open.

1

u/Dipsticks86 29d ago

Yell in a crowd, "yo your zippers open" everyone will look down and then they can close it with out everyone knowing it was them, kinda discreet

1

u/Rubber_Fist_of_love 29d ago

Ask "are you afraid of heights?"

If he answers no then

" Well you zipper seems to be"

1

u/SangeliaStorck 29d ago

Don't matter if the person is male or female. XYZ works for both genders.

1

u/Dinkinmyhand 29d ago

"Hows it goin, nice to see ya, your flys undone

1

u/Krunklestiltskin 29d ago

Just ask “you got a permit to sell hot dogs?”

1

u/casualstick 29d ago

Just say it. Bro your zipper is open...

1

u/boltandwasher 29d ago

Used to ask if they had a permit to sell hot dogs.

1

u/marke64896 29d ago

"hey mate your zipper is open."

1

u/wheatgrasstransplant 29d ago

...I’m just realizing now that I never got the “what’s the speed limit in China?” quip people would say when your fly was down

1

u/Icy-Independence3621 29d ago

I just say “now there’s a look”.

1

u/Radi1712 29d ago

Barn door open

1

u/Koskesh11 29d ago

"Hey bro, your zipper is open"

1

u/Alarmingcupcake21 29d ago

Lock up the barn or they horses are coming out.